Left behind?

Yes, sometimes that's how I feel. Maybe even some of you do too. Everyone else seems to march on ahead. Confident and knowing exactly what to do but look at me, here I am still. Before things were different but now...*sigh* :(


Something's wrong somewhere isn't it? Things are not quite right and I can't afford to let this prolong further. It scares me to feel distant from You, to no longer feel that ease You'd give. It hurts when my tears don't fall for You, when they fall for someone else. It frightens me to think that my heart has gone cold, no longer feeling the warmth of light. I need to stop this nonsense, end it, and return to the right path. Will You show me the right way? Will You bring me to the right path again?


Allah.....

A must read!

Alhamdulillah I have just finished a wonderful book :) -Cinta di rumah Hasan Al Banna-

Here it is! :D

I finished this book in only a few hours. hehe...Well not that surprising coz it's quite thin. Couldn't put it down once I started. You see, this book really portrays the role of a father in a family. In this case would be Hasan Al Banna. Despite dying at a young age he still managed to give a great impact on the society and mind you, his family is the first to have felt his touch. You'd expect people like him to be busy with dakwah and not have time for family. That's where you're wrong. Some way or another, he ALWAYS has time for his family. He MAKES time for them and none of his children ever felt neglected. I'm very touched from the way his children speak of him. Full of respect and love without a tinge of fear. Just the way they were taught. They're not afraid of their father, they LOVE him.

Reading gave me a sense of calmness somehow. I guess that's what you get if you read with your heart :) Many of us forget that fathers too are important in bringing up children aside from our mothers. In fact they are the ones that ensure good upbringing in the family. True that there is a woman behind every great man. That shows the importance of women as well. We all have our roles. What's important is that we realise them and fulfil our duties. Certainly the best example would be Rasulullah S.A.W so follow his ways. That's what Hassan Al Banna did and look at what he's achieved :)

There are many interesting things to learn in that book so I highly recommend reading it :) It opened my eyes and hopefully it'll open yours too.

To my brothers, this is definitely a must read for you guys. Do realise how important you are in a family. Search for ways and means to find out what is best to do. I'm not the best person to say this so just take this as a hope from your sister, open your eyes my brothers and take up your responsibilities seriously. As men, leaders of families, it is with you that our ummah will be able to rise again. Don't be intimidated by women and feel that there is no need for you to step up. Please wake up! Know that your sisters are hoping for you to and that we'll be supporting you.

To my sisters, I'm sure you'd agree with me on this. I'd recommend the book to you so that you realise how loving a father can be. So that you realise that fathers need to be loved and not feared. All they want is the best for us although it might not seem like it sometimes. Look at them with the eyes of your heart and you'll see :) Truth is a father's love is one of the sweetest things :P Get to know them before it's too late.

INTERMISSION- LOVE YOU SO MUCH ABAH! ^_^

Well then, I don't think I'm gonna expose much on the contents of the book. Look for it yourself :P hehe... Not that I don't want to share, but sometimes we need to have some effort rite?

May Allah bless us all :)

P/S: Special thanks to Mr. Hisham for lending me the book :D Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! ^_^

Last Bio Practical

Now that's sad. heh..but only for this semester. Well then, first of...

Read the towel. :) since I meant to post this in the morning so good morning all! :P (even if it's at night pretend it's in the morning XD) I guess when it comes to wiping we always end up using the old good morning towel and that happens to be the biology lab you know. heh... Towel lain, sorry la xleh nak lawan. huhu...

So more into pictures in this post cay? Our last bio practical for this semester was the antimicrobial effect of plants. Take a look...

It was more like preparing to cook something. :P

Briefing by Pn. Rita. PAY ATTENTION!

We used a different lab so you could imagine the fascination. I think almost everybody took the lecturers' lab coats instead of the one meant for students. haha... The most important thing in this experiment is you must WASH YOUR HANDS. Dettol everywhere so no trouble there. Wanna avoid infection you see. I was sick remember? Alhamdulillah I didn't pick up any new bacteria to add to my viral condition that time.

I liked the micropipette. hehe...(asal la x amik gambar? lupe lak) Felt very scientist like when using it. :P

After the experiment. Peace XD

And finally, my favourite picture.

Siti Zaharah & Nadira. haha...(bak kata [nama dirahsiakan] jelingan manja Zaharah) :D

26th April....Happy Birthday?

Look at that. Yummy! :P

So who's birthday is it? Nah...It wasn't a birthday. Actually it was my grandparents' 51st Anniversary. :D

Sape la yg makan cream kat atas tu? ish3 XD

Yup you read correctly. 51 years of marriage ^_^

At this age I can't imagine having lived with the same person for 51 years and gone through all that they have. As the 3rd grandchild, I'm proud of you both for making it this far. Cewah...haha...Thank you for giving birth to mama your 1st born who gave birth to me! :D that means mama is 50 years old. hehe :P

Went to my aunt's house yesterday to join the celebration. Just us family members eating together. It was great! Even my cousins from Johor came and I was thrilled since we haven't met for so long. Thought I was gonna go for a day trip but in the end I stayed for the night. That gave me time to catch up with my cousin mira. But erm...I guess I did more talking ey? Sorry about that. Haha...You know me :P

Tok recited a long doa and my eyes got teary listening to it. :'( May Allah bless the both of you Tok & Pah. LOVE YOU!

A lesson from Captain Aizen

Salam. :) I was browsing my old blog and I thought I'd just re-post a post from there.

I wrote this previously when I was crazy watching BLEACH. So what is it that I learnt from Captain Aizen?

Adzwin: You can change your hairstyle? Your eyes are cured when you become bad?

Haha...not quite right there Adzwin. XD I learnt this~

-admiration is a state furthest away from understanding-

That was quoted to Toushirou when Captain Aizen was referring to Momo who was blinded by admiration towards him making it easy for her to be manipulated.What do you understand from what he said? I find it to be very true. Let's think about it. Why did he say admiration is a state furthest away from understanding?

Let's take Momo as an example. She has always admired Captain Aizen even before she became a shinigami. Because of that she strives hard to get into his squad and works even harder so that she could be a leutenant under him, the closest position she could ever reach. Wanting to be close to Captain Aizen and by being close people would say that she understands him most. But....is that really the case? -in the end she understood nothing and was deceived-

You see, when you admire a person you tend to be blinded from that person's flaws and weaknesses. All you see are great things about that person and it just never occured to you that anything wrong would ever be done by him or her. How do you expect to understand the person if this is the case? You're being bias.To be acknowledged by the one you look up to, respect and admire is just wonderful, what more to become friends. But to really be good friends, understanding that person is essential. I'm not saying you cannot admire and understand your friend at the same time, I'm just saying that there should be a limit to this admiration. Remember not to let it blind you. =)

Taking time understanding people is a lot of fun. Really! I must say, it's such a blessing if you have a friend who understands you and knows you well and for you to understand them back. I know I want a friend like that. ^_^ What do you think?

A question...Just one

AM I THAT WEIRD?

ANSWER ME

I MEAN SERIOUSLY AM I?

"Dira, La Taghdob"

I suddenly remembered what a friend told me before. That time I didn't know what it meant. Perhaps because la taghdob isn't as famous as la tahzan? haha... La taghdob means 'don't be angry'.

Abu Hurairah melaporkan, Pada suatu hari seorang lelaki datang berjumpa Nabi Muhammad s.a.w dan berkata, "Berilah saya satu nasihat." Nabi Muhammad menjawab, 'Jangan marah.' Lelaki itu mengulangi permintaannya beberapa kali. Nabi Muhammad tetap menjawab, "Jangan marah."

We often find it difficult but surely it can be overcomed.

Salam~ :)

In case you and I forget

My fever was bad last night and it prolonged till today but Alhamdulillah after staying home and not going to class today I felt better. As Allah wills it, my fever went down and so insyaAllah I'll be able to do my biology practical this evening as I mentioned in my previous post.

Now what reminder would I like to give today? Just this verse in the Quran.

"...Allah tidak ingin menyulitkan kamu, tetapi Dia hendak membersihkan kamu dan menyempurnakan nikmatNya bagimu, agar kamu bersyukur."

[Al-Maidah 5:6]

Actually the early parts of this verse explained on how to wudhu' with water and also in absence of it. This shows how important 'solat' is. Maybe we could discuss more on that later but the end of the verse is as you see above.

I guess it's true that having to keep taking wudhu' all the time is a nuisance but you see as Allah has said Himself, what He asks us to do is not to complicate things for us but to cleanse ourselves and so that we are thankful.

I'd like to apply this in my condition now too the fact that I'm sick. This sickness from Allah is not to complicate things for me but to cleanse myself. How is that?

Abu Sa'id and Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet p.b.u.h said,
"No fatigue, nor disease, nor anxiety, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he recieves from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that."

[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

You see, when we are ill or in pain, Allah has His way of cleaning us.
And so, I'm thankful :)

If you're ill dear reader, you should be thankful too :)

Of bacteria and sore throats

=_= yup, that's it. I got myself sick somehow and guess what, tomorrow's practical involves

BACTERIA...

E. Coli :P

Just my luck ey? haha... My throat really hurts right now and it seems like I'm developing a flu too. Gotta be careful tomorrow. Pray I get well soon aite? I'd really appreciate that. :)

May Allah bless you with good health dear reader. Amin~

Stuck in the middle....

...and no where to go.


Salam. It's been a while hasn't it? Sorry about that. just felt that somehow I wasn't it the right mind to post anything but I guess now wouldn't hurt.


About the statement above, let's just say a friend of mind is kinda confusing me right now. There seems to be something bothering his mind but I can't quite figure it out. I don't know what I should do you see. Whether to just let it be in fear of saying the wrong thing or try to help out. For now, I guess I should just let go coz I haven't helped so far anyway and the last thing I want to do is make things worse. Simply said, I'm backing off. To my friend, is that what you want?


Forget that, now on to what happened this morning.



IELTS SPEAKING TEST



Yeah well, many have done it already but mine happened to be this morning. Comments? It wasn't so bad but I wish I didn't have to give a bad first impression. What did I do? I didn't bring any pen and paper and I wore my shoes! How am I supposed to know we have to take them off. Sheesh. But besides that it was okay. I hope... :P haha...


Thank you to those who have been helping me out. My friends should know I can be a nervous wreck at times. :P Hope to be better in the future.


P/S - Last weekend I went for Ini Sejarah Kita (ISK). To put it simply it's an activity involving the history of Islam but I tell you there is so much more to it than that. Normally after events like this I'd straight away blog about it but regretabbly I haven't this time :( Wait for me okay? May I still be around to write about it.

InsyaAllah....

"Dan jangan sekali-kali engkau mengatakan terhadap sesuatu, 'Aku pasti melakukan itu esok pagi,' kecuali (dengan mengatakan) InsyaAllah...."

[Al-Kahfi 18:23&24]

Gotta be in control! yeah! :P

You know I wish I could be in control of things. I mean not to say be a dictator or anything but just merely being in control of my actions. Being in control of myself. Lately it seems I've been swaying a lotand I'm really not proud of it. I think some people would notice that. *sigh* :(

Hmm...actions, once done is hard to undo. Sadly I regret many things but I can't change what's happened so what I need to do now is control myself so that it doesn't happen again. By the way, this is NOT and emo post. Just writing my thoughts cay? :)

Everyone experiences a time in their lives when they turn a bit devilish right? haha... Some worse than others but it's basically the same thing. Your 'not so nice' side. :P

Is the worst of me suddenly emerging? I'm sort of feeling it now. It hasn't totally so I've got to supress it! Can't let it overcome me. To those who are close to me, forgive my sudden weirdness. I'm sure I'm difficult to bear with right now (smacks self) but I'm trying hard to let this phase pass by. I'm gonna be alright soon.

Just don't know how long 'soon' is. heh :P Pray it won't take that long alright?

p/s: Don't take this as a cliche question but just help if you can alright? Any suggestions on how to be in control of yourself? Generally really, like how to overcome bad thoughts in your head like laziness, sudden unnecessary thoughts, forgetting what's important and not knowing your priorities. I need help. heh :P

Care to guess?

What do you think this is? Tell me please... Just make a guess but bear in mind.

It's not what it seems :P

"Sometimes the truth is not enough. People need more than that."

That explains the one true flaw of human nature. They're afraid of the truth. :)

My best friend told me that. A line taken from Batman: The Dark Knight (My all time favourite villain in there :P) What she said is true. I thank her for comforting me.

Don't you think that statement is right? People are afraid of the truth. You are afraid of the truth and so you run from it. You shun it away, you change it to suit yourself just so you don't have to face that 5 letter word.

T-R-U-T-H

Of course this doesn't apply to all conditions but to you reading, I hope you can figure out the situations wherby it is applied. You're bound to experience it yourself so use your mind to think. Let me tell you one thing about me in association with truth and perhaps justice.

If you are my friend and you do something wrong, I'll tell you that what you're doing is wrong. It won't suddenly become right just because you're my friend. When you're wrong, you're wrong.

If you're my, not to say enemy but perhaps someone I don't get along too well with and yet you do something great and you have the capabilties in a certain thing, I'll admit that good quality in you. It won't suddenly become wrong just because we're not in the best of terms. When you're right, you're right.

"Dan janganlah kamu campuradukkan kebenaran dengan kebatilan dan (janganlah) kamu sembunyikan kebenaran sedangkan kamu mengetahuinya."

[Al-Baqarah 2:42]

The difficult thing is when a friend says that you're doing something wrong. Arine would know, right? :P haha... Well, just for an example, there was one time that she thought I was going against her. I was like everybody else and I'm not supporting her. For that she thinks she lost me as a friend. She thought wrong. Because she is my friend and I care for her so much that she doesn't know because I'm not the type that says it out. Because I love her, I'm telling her the truth that what she did that time was wrong. It hurt, and she went away that time but she should know that it hurt me even more the fact that she didn't understand why I did what I did. I was alone like always.

Trust me not to hate you despite that fault and trust me when I say I care.

Same goes to me. I don't know if I'm too optimistic but when people point out my faults, especially my dear friends be it guys or girls, I take it that you care about me. The sudden hurt in your chest when you have your faults pointed out would of course happen (involuntary reaction :P) but for me it is healed thinking that, the person telling me that is saying it because he or she cares. Am I wrong when I say this? Remember husnu zhaan? Kita perlu berbaik sangka. Jadi walaupun nadira tersalah anggap (kalau salah la), tapi biarlah nadira terus dengan sangkaan baik itu dengan harapan ia menjadi benar. But, I can take the truth anytime. :P If it's not because you care, surely there are other better reasons. Again, husnu zhaan.

So, what I want to say is that part of me that says the truth, don't ask me to change that.
Salam :D

Will there be a tomorrow?

I ate out this morning after mabit. It's been a while since there was any so third time for me. It's always a nice experience, different everytime and the theme this time is about taubat. Sleeping at the Akasia surau last night was alright at first but nearing the morning at around 3am I was so cold tears were flowing! T_T haha... (tu la, lain kali jangan malas nak bawak selimut from Cemara tu :P)

Have you gone for mabit before? Usually it starts at Maghrib. Praying together, listening to tazkirahs, doing some other activities to get us closer to Allah, sleeping together that night and waking up early for prayers (qiamullail). If you really focus, you'll feel the difference the next day. A day where you do qiamullail is never an ordinary day. Something special is bound to happen. I was rather sleepy last night so I regret to say my focus was a bit off this morning but it's okay, work done for Allah is never a waste.

Do you know I like leaves? :) Well I really do and a naqibah said yesterday that everytime the leaves move with the wind it shows that Allah is with us. She asked "Have you ever walked and thought that you're walking with Allah and many malaikat as well?" Isn't that wonderful? I wish I've thought of that :)

Back to the issues discussed something stressed on last night was about our senses and how it were to be if they were suddenly taken away from us. Just look at two senses we often take for granted.

~Our Sight & Our Hearing~

Ever wondered how it'd be if you wake up one morning and you can't hear anything? Is your alarm clock broken? Why was there no alarm? You walk to the bathroom, turn on the tap but the water is flowing without a sound. "What's happening?" you'd say and just a tiny thing taken away from you which is your hearing makes you all troubled and scared.

What if you wake up and it's pitch black? Maybe it's night time still and it's dark? You strain your eyes a bit more but still nothing in sight. You can't even see your hands. You open your eyes as wide as they can go. Pop it out if you must but still nothing and the thought hits you. I CAN'T SEE. Now you're even more scared.

We don't realise that Allah can take whatever he gives us anytime coz the truth is we don't have anything. Everything in this world is His including this body you're in. It's not yours. Just two senses up there. Can you be without? Would you want to be without? I don't think so.

Let's look at another situation. What if, you don't wake up at all? +_+

Tell me what is it you hope to achieve now. Good grades? Successful careers? Money? You have forgotten one thing. One important gift from Allah which is to be a able to...BREATHE. It must be at least 30 seconds since you read this post or even more. If you were unable to breathe for that long, you would've given up everything you have, everything you've ever wanted just to breathe once more. Did you realise that? Are we thankful for every breath we take? Think about it.

All of us has sinned to a certain degree somehow and so dear brothers and sisters we must repent. Not tomorrow, not next week, not next year but NOW. Repent now. Who knows, tomorrow might never come. Who knows today might be your last. Who knows?

Right?

For the greater good

Here I am in a conflict. To be who I am or to be who people want me to be. I've been thinking about that a lot even if nobody brought it up and because of that, believe me I do realise what people don't like about me. At least in one particular area I do. But what am I to do about it? It's not like I haven't warned my friends about my nature in mingling. I have right from the very start and that's how I mingle and that's what makes me different. 'Weird' is the term they use for me now. haha...true enough coz I'm not denying it. I am like this.

I guess I've been too optimistic to think that people are comfortable with me when in actual fact they're not. If you notice, before I did say that I can't blame people for how they treat me because I brought it upon myself. Yes, i did. It's my fault and I admit.

I wonder if anyone can accept me for the way I am. This girl who keeps wearing black from head to toe and walks like a stick. I guess it's difficult and so they choose an easier option which is to not accept me or even to ask me to change. They say "Nadira, you should change" and even if they don't say it straight to me they have their means of doing so somehow through other people who would come up to me.

Question is, should I change?

No, they should learn to accept me for who I am.


TETT!!! Wrong answer... It's a yes. YES I MUST CHANGE. Nadira must change her ways for the better or shall I say for the greater good. Have you read Harry Potter? You see in the 7th book where all the truth is revealed, Albus Dumbledore mentioned something along these lines...

"It is easy to differ between what is good and what is bad. What's difficult is to choose the greater of two goods and the lesser of two evils."

Do you get what it means there? Here's to say that when you have no choice but to do only one thing when both are good, it's nerve wrecking to choose which is better to do over the other. When it comes to having to do something cruel which you have to do even when you don't want to, it is hard to determine which isn't so bad.

Which situation am I in? There would be many opinions I'm sure so I'll leave it to you to think. As for now, I know I must change. Why haven't I changed if I realised it for so long already? Like a friend of mine said, we can relate ourselves to chemical equations. There's a reverse reaction in ourselves and since it's dynamic, forward and reverse reactions just keep happening BUT that shouldn't be my excuse.

My statement earlier was difficult for me to make a decision because it was the wrong statement. Let's change it so that I get a clearer picture on which I should choose between the two.

Before : To be who I am or to be who people want me to be.
After : To be who I am or to be who ALLAH wants me to be.

Now Nadira, is it so hard to decide? Who comes first? You or Allah?

Allah comes first and so because of that if you change, it's because of Allah and not because of what other people say or because of what other people want from you. I'm human and so I'm weak and to change the way I am is difficult for me. Very difficult but eventhough I'm saying this I'm not hoping for all of you to understand how I feel. Nobody ever does anyway (excluding you Arine, Adzreen & Adzwin) Just some people that I trust to understand my situation.

May Allah help me and give me strength for patience.
Ustaz dulu cakap, kita ni doa untuk mintak kesabaran bagi dua perkara.
1. Doa supaya sabar melakukan ibadah serta apa yang disuruh oleh Allah.
2. Doa supaya sabar meninggalkan maksiat dan apa yang dilarang oleh Allah.

I'm not a liar. What you see is the truth. The way I act, the things I say. Maybe that's why it's hard for people to accept because they really see who I am. I'd like to correct what I said before when I said that I appear to be strong when I'm not. That's wrong. I am strong in that sense or else i wouldn't be able to hold myself together. So, you see I'm not lying. What you see has been me all along.

It's gonna be hard and I know that even if I change there will be people with other views on how I should be. It's okay coz whatever happens, I've got Allah.

Thank you brothers & sisters who have directly or indirectly asked me to change :) May Allah bless you.

The sweetness of forgiveness

Have you ever thought of that? It just occured to me to write this. Everybody seems to be talking about wrong doings done by others so why not look at the word 'forgive'. Being the victim of wrong judgement, of people's cruelty, of cruel words, of unwanted situations, and of anger itself causes us grief. That moment can be simply said as a time when you feel hurt. When your heart cuts deep.

Terasa hati ni memang susah nak ubat tapi tak mustahil. Kita tengok kembali kisah yang berlaku kepada Rasulullah sendiri. Ingat apa yang berlaku kepada Hamzah, bapa saudara Rasulullah yang amat disayanginya? Kisah kematiannya sewaktu perang Uhud amat memilukan dan apa yang berlaku itu semata-mata kerana dendam. Hindun, isteri kepada Abu Sufian begitu benci kepada Hamzah kerana telah membunuh bapanya. Dalam perang Uhud, dia menyuruh Washi, seorang hamba untuk membunuh Hamzah dengan ganjaran Washi akan dimerdekakan sekiranya berjaya. Hamzah gugur syahid terkena tombak yang dilontar Washi. Kisah itu tidak terhenti di situ. Hindun, masih tidak berpuas hati walaupun Hamzah sudah tidak bernyawa lagi. Dia telah mengoyak keluar jantung Hamzah dan dimamahnya namun dengan kuasa Allah S.W.T Hindun tidak dapat menelan jantung tersebut.

Rasulullah amat sedih kerana Hamzah yang amat dikasihinya diperlakukan sebegitu. Selepas beberapa lama, Abu Sufian mendapat hidayah dan memeluk agama Islam. Begitu juga isterinya, Hindun. Hindun meminta maaf kepada Rasulullah. Rasulullah memaafkannya akan tetapi baginda tidak sanggup melihat kearah Hindun kerana sedih, mengenangkan apa yang telah terjadi dulu sewaktu perang Uhud. Hal yang penting di sini ialah baginda memaafkan kesalahan tersebut.

So when they say forgive and forget, it's a bit difficult to 'forget' isn't it? As I said, when your heart is what's being hurt, it's most difficult to mend. Even if it mends, the scar will forever stay. Let's think it this way now. What if you where the one asking for forgiveness? Asking for forgiveness is something important if you ask me coz of the hope of being forgiven. Imagine getting turned down.

"I'll never forgive you!"
"You don't deserve my forgiveness."
"I just can't forgive you for what you've done."

Imagine getting those words replied to you after expressing a sincere apology. Not something you'd want right? Trust me those who've done wrong to you wish they don't have to hear these from you too. It takes courage to ask for forgiveness. Think it's easy? Not to everyone and to get turned down would in turn hurt them deep.

A reminder for me and you,

"...dan hendaklah mereka memaafkan dan berlapang dada. Apakah kamu tidak suka Allah mengampunimu? Dan Allah Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang."

[An-Nur 24:22]

Remember that we hope for forgiveness from Allah and so for that why won't we forgive others? Think about it my dear brothers and sisters, for forgiveness is sweet~

To those whom I've wronged, would you forgive me?


By the way, I took this picture this morning. Intec bus window. What do you think? XD

I like it :P