Do you get what I'm saying?

Salam alayk~

Few days ago I wrote this essay for a competition. Despite that you know me, I can't just write something without really putting my heart to it somehow so I'd say this is kinda personal. Thought it'd be nice to share with all of you but I do wonder if the message I'm trying to say passes through. Oh well, do read :)

Title : A recipe for disaster in my life (freaky ey? :P)

They say life is how you perceive it. I say so too. To have a positive outlook all the time is somewhat impossible for most people and that includes me. Why? It is because going through life, you realise that things do not always go your way and you tend to ponder too long on moments that are bleak. We all have fears that might differ from others and usually meeting it would be what we call disastrous. A disaster is something no one wants and the very thought of it chills me to my bones but I shall write on, bearing every bit of it and allow you to enter this so-called nightmare of mine in which I never wish to meet. What might that be you ask? Nothing complicated really, just one word –lost.

To be lost is devastating and here I do not mean the regular term of not knowing where you are literally although being lost in that sense has a fair share of frustration and fear. Lost here is rather one’s state of being. Being in the said condition gives me a helpless feeling and the worst part is it is not just a feeling but an actual state of being helpless. I would not be able to do anything and my life at that point will be filled with pointless actions bringing no benefit whatsoever to me. I become a breathing body with no hopes and dreams that are worthy and no clear goal to achieve simply because I am lost.

Have you ever thought of the reason why you exist and try answering that without a tinge of selfishness towards yourself? You see, life is not just about you and in fact you do not own the life you boldly say is yours. There is no escape in realising that there is someone of higher power controlling everything it is just that we refuse to think about it eventually not wanting to admit. I have always had trouble choosing even the simplest things like what colour I would wear today let alone choose between paths that I should take. What more to know what truly is best for me. I depend a lot on my instincts so tell me, what should I do if my instincts are taken away?

An instinct to do something for instance to differ between right and wrong is something you feel in your heart and not something you think about with your mind. It is as if your inner voice is telling you what to do and you trust in it ever so much because you know that everything will be alright eventually. That voice, that urge, that intuition is none other than a form of guidance when you need it. True enough your heart is not the only thing that speaks to you. Your mind can also be interrupted by thoughts externally given by Satan and now that is where we need to be smart in finding out which voice comes truly from our hearts. Trouble is when I do not know how and that is when I am lost.

I shudder to think I have been left astray because if I am then no one alive or dead can help me. Not even those who are rich or those full of intellect. If I happen to be chosen by my Lord to be the one deviating from the right path and lost, no one but Him alone can save me. And that mind you, is a fact so true. How could I not feel that being lost is a recipe for disaster? A chain effect results from it you see. Say, I do not know the true meaning of life and I wake up every morning living my days doing nothing to attain the goal I should want to achieve. How cavalier I would be, striving for purposes I myself put forward ignoring those that are already laid out for me. I would say such shame.

All that hard work each day would be for nothing if I do not know my exact purpose of life. What will I become? I might be happy but to what extent will that be true? The so-called happiness over trivial things is just calamity in disguise. If I am sad, would my depression get the best of me and cause me to dread life for what it has become and kill me? That grief could have actually been a blessing that I was too blind to see. This mind of mine will only think of things that are short term rather than what is in the long run and worse still, (I pray I be far from it) I would forget my faith. If forgetting faith due to being lost is not a disaster then I do not know what is.
Guidance from my Lord is what I desire. It is not about perfection. My life will not be disastrous just because I say it is not perfect. Imperfection in fact is what makes me human and it is actually true when I say that imperfection colours my life till this very day. To realise that whatever happens in life is what is best for us as it has been fated by the One who knows all, is how things should be. To suddenly forget that is sadly a common thing among us and this state of being is what I call lost. I do not know for sure pertaining my current condition whether or not I am falling into my worst nightmare but a wise man once said that if the heart still longs for faith and wants good things then all is not lost just yet.

I would want to be saved, to be taken out from the darkness of being ignorant to the light of true faith because only then will I be protected and honestly feel secure. Otherwise although petty as this may sound to other people; my life would really be a disaster. Imagine a small child just reaching out his or her hand hoping to be held yet just waving into space not finding anything and being left disappointed. Would that not be sad? Imagine instead that tiny hand being clutched secure but gently at last right when he or she was about to give up and that child is you. You too would want to be saved am I correct? All of us need something to hold on to thus, we should hold on to what is strongest and surely the strongest is none other than our Lord.
I do not know about you but as for me, I really do not want to be lost.

____________________________________________________________

That's it. So here's the question. Do you get what I'm saying?