I'm okay.

I just wrote about death didn't I? Looks like I hit close to home. So close. (Maksudnya, rupa-rupanya ada kaitan rapat dengan diri sendiri)

Today, my grand aunt passed away. Innalillah hiwainnailaihi rajiun... Grand aunt meaning my grandmother's elder sister. Us grandchildren call her Tok wan. I went to visit her the night before I left for Madinah. Never occured to me that was the last time I'd see her smile back at me. The last time I get to lie down beside her and just hold her hand.

You see, I don't think I've mentioned Onyang before so let me just tell you a bit then. Onyang is my great grandmother. The mother of both my grandmother and my grand aunt. She's lived with me all my life ever since I was little and I grew ever so attached to her. She passed away 6 years ago. If I think about her, I can still hear her voice calling out to me. Asking me to wake up and pray Subuh, asking me to sleep when it's late night, asking me to follow her to the garden where she'd show me many interesting things as she plants whatever plant she finds, asking me to keep it a secret when she falls down so that my mother doesn't worry. Owh how I miss her and yes...I can hear her still.

One thing about Onyang is I like to hold her hand. It doesn't matter they're old. I like her hands. And ever since she died, I'd keep telling Tok wan whenever I visit her that her hands are just like Onyang's. Only perhaps a bit smaller in size but that's maybe coz I've grown but anyway, holding hers would remind me of Onyang and I'd feel comforted in a way. Now I wonder how she felt everytime I say that. Would that might have hurt her? She'd smile at me though but perhaps reminding her of her mother might have made her sad. I'd like to think she felt happy to be like her wonderful mother.

Now...she's gone and I'm here far away from home. She lives nearby my house you see but I'm not there. My mum told me the funeral is tomorrow morning but sadly, I can't go home. I would've wanted to see her...one last time. Perhaps hold her hand even or kiss her forehead but nevermind. Even if I can't be there, many of her loved ones will be.

I know what's important is not being there. What's important is that I pray for her...no matter where I am...no matter how far. It's just as I said, I would've liked to see her...one last time. Oh well, to you reading...if you don't mind. Do pray for her too and while you're at it, don't forget my Onyang as well. Al-Fatihah would be wonderful enough so please...okay? :)

May they be forgiven and may Allah bless them with His grace.

Amin~

At every prayer, there is someone dead.

Yup. Perhaps we already know that I mean like we know that there is sure to be death everyday maybe every hour or even every second. The thing is how does it affect us?

An experience I've been through is that at Masjidil Haram & Masjid Nabawi, after each prayer...we'd perform 'solat jenazah' (unsure of the english term). That's it...every prayer without fail so far I've stayed there. Only there was one day in Masjid Nabawi after maghrib and isya' there wasn't any because it rained heavily outside all of a sudden. I guess they didn't get to transport the bodies but every other prayer there surely will be someone dead.

At Masjid Nabawi I didn't get to see the bodies coz there's a clear partition between men and women but at Masjidil Haram...masyaAllah...I did see them.

Jenazah-jenazah setelah dikapankan akan diusung ke depan Kaabah dan bagi mereka yang ingin solat jenazah bersama imam, boleh la berbuat begitu.

And indeed you can see them being brought and it'll always be more than one. It occured to me that so long as you're there, you'd remember death. You can't forget. I don't know about other people but surely that's how I felt. I grew very fond of it. Will always make a point to solat jenazah with the imam. Why? Because after the third takbir, you pray for the person's forgiveness. You pray that Allah with His Rahmat will forgive that dead person.

I read at a friend's blog on how it feels when you're dead. It goes like this;
"Orang yang mati di alam barzakh ibarat manusia lemas dalam air, akan berpaut apa jua yang hanyut di depannya. Ahli kubur amat mengharap pertolongan doa orang yang hidup, umpama orang yang lemas dalam air terlalu berharap sesuatu terapung hanyut di depannya untuk menyelamatkan diri."

So I thought to myself now that I have the chance, wouldn't I want to help pray for them? And I thought to myself when I'm dead, wouldn't I want others to do same? Yes, I would.

Oh well, that's one thing that doesn't happen often here in Malaysia. At least not in one particular mosque. Even so, if I get the chance I wouldn't let it go. What do you think?

'Syukran'...

...that's what I heard when I finished reading the Quran one early morning waiting for Subuh prayer at Masjidil Haram. I turned to my right and there was a dark skinned lady sitting next to me who looked at me and smiled. She was saying thank you to me for reading the Quran.

I was stunned. Thank you? No one has ever said thank you to me before for reading the Quran. Never...and here a stranger who doesn't even speak the same language thanks me for reading verses from Allah. You see, she was listening to me all that time. I did notice, but it didn't occur to me that she would say anything.

Do you know that listening to the reciting of the Quran has it's rahmat? Well it does. Not only just reading you know, but just listening to another person read will give you a share of rahmat as well and I think many people forget that. What do you feel when someone near you reads the Quran for instance your roommate or anybody anywhere? Do you shut the door and leave? Do you move away? Or do you get closer.....and listen?

Ask yourself that.

Although I only met her for that brief moment, I owe that lady a lot. She reminded me of how simple things can be important and how a simple gesture of thanks can touch a person's heart. You know later when we had to pray, she let me share her sejadah. It was small yet she wanted to share anyway and truth is I felt very happy that time.

You see, little experiences like this happen a lot in Masjidil Haram. At least I feel that way.

Me, mama, kakak and of course our beloved Kaabah :)

Oh dear...I miss that place. Really do~

I've returned :)

Salam alayk~

Alhamdulillah, I'm safely back home after a wonderful experience abroad. I cannot say I'm happy, neither can I say I'm sad but whatever it is I am ever so thankful to Allah :)

To part with Kaabah was difficult. Masjidil Haram is a sanctuary for muslims and yes that was how I felt while I was there. May our parting only be for a short while and may I return back there near the beloved Kaabah. Did you know that just by laying your eyes on the Kaabah full of love is equivalent to 1 year of ibadah?

I just knew that when I was there and cerainly when you see it with your very eyes you can hardly turn to look at anything else.

Now, I can't write much coz I need to settle many things here at home. Help my parents clean up and all. Poor thing that both my parents and my sister aren't well. Their feverish and are coughing quite badly. Do help pray for them cay? May Allah bless you with great health in doing so. InsyaAllah I'll write more. Till then what I'd like to say is I'm honestly thankful to Allah and that all of you should be too :)

Selamat Hari Jadi

What about birthdays? Well I just thought I'd write this as the last post before I fly tomorrow. A thought that I felt like writing down.

What do you think of birthdays? Surely different people have different opinions on this, have different ways in perceiving it am I right? The norm would be to celebrate and be happy. Get presents and so what not. Well, what does a birthday mean to me? I find it to be a special day and these past few years I keep spending time with my own self on my birthday. Why? Because that was the day I was born all those years back and I feel like the one who deserves my attention most on that day would be Allah. Not that He doesn't any other day but as I said, my birthday is one particular day I'd like to save as a special date.

A special date I keep for special people. I remember back when I was in form 5 at school. Since it's the final year people really celebrate birthdays as extravagant as they can. The usual wish at 12 a.m was a must aside from terrible pranks on the birthday girl. Know what happened on my birthday? People couldn't find me. I was lost! :P Haha...They were all waiting for 12 o'clock...went to my room and I was missing...Ahaa..where did I go? Oh no! :P hehe...

I was at the musolla, alone...with my Quran. (to wardens if you're reading I do know I shouldn't be there...sorry!)

I had to do that. I had to runaway because being alone like that, close to what's most precious is what's important to me and is what made me feel happy. It’s not partying or enjoying as some people might say it.

But hey, to my friends who were looking for me all night...thank you :) I do appreciate it really. I can’t bring myself to explain exactly how my thoughts are when it comes to birthdays but I guess yes, you’re right...they do matter to me. Nothing wrong in that right? Birthdays matter to me. A day I feel it wise to show a nice gesture just to strengthen bonds between people. Nothing too fancy...just a small gesture to show you care. Why not right? It may seem petty but small things like this hold deep meanings.

Oh well, at least that’s what I think. Am I crapping? Just a little perhaps. Haha..
Bottom line is, to you who may or may not read...Happy Birthday~ May Allah bless you with a long and healthy life with the ones you love. May you be blessed herein and hereafter. Farewell...

p/s: Call me...would you?

I'm leaving...

...so don't look for me....

Mysterious ey? haha...just a gimmick...I think :P Oh well, I won't be around for 10 days or so. Where am I going?

:)

Here...InsyaAllah

100th post.

Okay, not exactly a big deal but nevermind :) ngee~ I've been thinking before, what would I post for my 100th post? Let's start with a quote by a dead president. Gosh...that sounds harsh. Okay a quote from a former president then. :P

"If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth writing." -Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)-

Now that is seriously cool. Forgive my lack in using proper adjectives. I keep using the word cool for everything. haha... Oh well, it is cool! :P So I guess here I'd like to say that I wish to be both. Both in what he said. I hope that all this while my writings are worth reading and that people do want to read and are able to obtain something from it. About doing things worth writing, well perhaps at school that's done but then again looking at a bigger picture I'm still far from it. Far from doing anything worth been written about but it's okay, we still don't know the future. It's not about being written about that's important. I say it's that act. The part that you actually did something worth to be written about must mean that it's great. Right?

A short cut would of course to go kill someone or rob the bank or do a serious offence and get written in the papers for it. Haha...but you know that's not what I meant.

I hope I'll continue writing and somehow be able to touch people's hearts with what's in mine. Even if it has to be just one person.