Sunday, December 20, 2009

Selamat Hari Jadi

What about birthdays? Well I just thought I'd write this as the last post before I fly tomorrow. A thought that I felt like writing down.

What do you think of birthdays? Surely different people have different opinions on this, have different ways in perceiving it am I right? The norm would be to celebrate and be happy. Get presents and so what not. Well, what does a birthday mean to me? I find it to be a special day and these past few years I keep spending time with my own self on my birthday. Why? Because that was the day I was born all those years back and I feel like the one who deserves my attention most on that day would be Allah. Not that He doesn't any other day but as I said, my birthday is one particular day I'd like to save as a special date.

A special date I keep for special people. I remember back when I was in form 5 at school. Since it's the final year people really celebrate birthdays as extravagant as they can. The usual wish at 12 a.m was a must aside from terrible pranks on the birthday girl. Know what happened on my birthday? People couldn't find me. I was lost! :P Haha...They were all waiting for 12 o'clock...went to my room and I was missing...Ahaa..where did I go? Oh no! :P hehe...

I was at the musolla, alone...with my Quran. (to wardens if you're reading I do know I shouldn't be there...sorry!)

I had to do that. I had to runaway because being alone like that, close to what's most precious is what's important to me and is what made me feel happy. It’s not partying or enjoying as some people might say it.

But hey, to my friends who were looking for me all night...thank you :) I do appreciate it really. I can’t bring myself to explain exactly how my thoughts are when it comes to birthdays but I guess yes, you’re right...they do matter to me. Nothing wrong in that right? Birthdays matter to me. A day I feel it wise to show a nice gesture just to strengthen bonds between people. Nothing too fancy...just a small gesture to show you care. Why not right? It may seem petty but small things like this hold deep meanings.

Oh well, at least that’s what I think. Am I crapping? Just a little perhaps. Haha..
Bottom line is, to you who may or may not read...Happy Birthday~ May Allah bless you with a long and healthy life with the ones you love. May you be blessed herein and hereafter. Farewell...

p/s: Call me...would you?

I'm leaving...

...so don't look for me....

Mysterious ey? haha...just a gimmick...I think :P Oh well, I won't be around for 10 days or so. Where am I going?
:)

Here...InsyaAllah


Wednesday, December 16, 2009

100th post.

Okay, not exactly a big deal but nevermind :) ngee~ I've been thinking before, what would I post for my 100th post? Let's start with a quote by a dead president. Gosh...that sounds harsh. Okay a quote from a former president then. :P

"If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth writing." -Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)-

Now that is seriously cool. Forgive my lack in using proper adjectives. I keep using the word cool for everything. haha... Oh well, it is cool! :P So I guess here I'd like to say that I wish to be both. Both in what he said. I hope that all this while my writings are worth reading and that people do want to read and are able to obtain something from it. About doing things worth writing, well perhaps at school that's done but then again looking at a bigger picture I'm still far from it. Far from doing anything worth been written about but it's okay, we still don't know the future. It's not about being written about that's important. I say it's that act. The part that you actually did something worth to be written about must mean that it's great. Right?

A short cut would of course to go kill someone or rob the bank or do a serious offence and get written in the papers for it. Haha...but you know that's not what I meant.

I hope I'll continue writing and somehow be able to touch people's hearts with what's in mine. Even if it has to be just one person.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Allah sure knows how to make life interesting :)

Don't you think so? I'm fascinated!!! I've already mentioned that in facebook just now :)
I watched a documentary today about conjoined twins...siamese twins that is. 2 girls with one body. Abigail & Brittany Hensen. What fascinates me most is their anatomy and ability to coordinate and function. It's really something you need to see to believe and then again even after seeing u can't stop feeling marvelled. Subhanallah...

Do look up on them.

Two different individuals sharing the same body. You know one thing I've noticed? It's the fact that individuality is something important to people. We all want to be seen as individuals, as our own self and being twins doesn't make it any different. In fact they'd want it even more because people tend to group them together as one. To me though, when you look closely and mingle, you'd see that they're different and are unique to each other. I love seeing that. How two people can be so different yet look the same. haha...I do have some experience in this :P

To be treated as an individual. I think this somehow gives space for us knowing that our way of thinking is ours. Do you get what I mean? It's like for once there is something unique to us an you can say 'this is mine and not anybody elses'. Something of your own. Of course everything is Allah's...nothing is really ours. Let's just say it's one thing that Allah gives us and only us. Because two people can never be exactly the same. Awesome ey? After the countless existence of people in this world, He made them all different. If it were me I'd run out of ideas! Haha...

Whatever it is, it all comes down to how majestic Allah is in creating :)

Segala puji hanya bagi Allah~

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Lost for words

Yeah...it happens sometimes so I guess this is one of those moments causing me to stop writing for a while. Truth is there's something bothering my mind lately and I don't think I'm fit to write in such a condition.

I wanna ask you something...since I'm in the mood to write here..have you ever felt like your way through life is being guided and that someone is watching over you? Seriously, think about it. Try and recall briefly how your life has been. Do you feel what I feel? Frankly speaking, I feel like I'm learning to live in this world and that Allah has been guiding me through and teaching me.

You see when you're small and you are completely ignorant about your surroundings, you'd tend to be curious and there is this urge of wanting to explore new things. You wouldn't know to tell from what's right and what's wrong and because of that you tend to do mistakes. Mistakes you hate and regret but those mistakes are what makes you learn even more.

Ever felt like Allah is talking to you? Not literally speaking like what we can do to each other but rather trying to tell you something, giving hints and clues, reaching out to you...ever felt that? Now more than ever I think I can actually feel. It's like something in you that moves you. Something pure that drives you to do the right thing and helping you to understand. I notice that this feeling is different from what I usually feel when I was younger. It's like the hints are getting stronger and becoming more obvious. It's the feeling wherby I have someone to remind me what to do like for instance to remind me to pray, to remind me that things happen for a reason, to remind me what those reasons are when bad things happen and to remind me where I should turn to if ever I need someone to go to. And all these reminders come from none other than Allah.

I guess the way He speaks to you progresses with age. After all He knows best when it comes to knowing your capabilities, limits, how much you've grown and what way of teaching suits you most. You are taught by the best teacher and you're protected by a force stronger than everything else. It's just wonderful. Realising is great isn't it?

Sometimes I wonder why it took me ages to understand and see. I guess that's just my pace. We all have different paces. Words may be powerful but I'm beginning to see the power in not saying anything but in feeling with the heart.

Am I making sense to you? haha...Sorry if it sounds weird. It's just how I feel. Perhaps being lost for words once in a while is okay. Gives room for the heart to do the talking and rarely does the heart say anything hurtful like the tongue. In fact, the heart can't lie...it is always truthful. You just have to figure a way to find out the truth in that heart.

I know Allah is talking to me without words...maybe, just maybe other people are too?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Sindir?

What do you think about P. Ramlee movies? I'd say their unique and awesome :) There's this art in them that you don't come by easily nowadays. It always seems to amuse me. Now if I watch, it's mostly nostalgic coz I tend to recount the times I watched those movies when I was a kid. Before, I'd watch with my cousins, grandparents, you know the whole big family when we all gather together. It was fun and those were the moments we bonded. One of my favourites would be Labu Labi :P

Why? Because it's so funny! Well, surely for entertainment purposes only and not to be followed. I laugh everytime despite hearing the jokes over and over. It was just so smartly made I'd say. There is this scene when Manisah, (the most wanted girl in the story since the two main actors were madly in love with her) asked her dad for money to buy 3 new sewing machines. It cost RM500. Upon hearing that, her father, Hj. Bakhil, fainted! Well he serves his name well in being stingy. Haha...her mother whispered that perhaps he was just faking it. Later it turned out that he did and Manisah ended up sulking and went straight to her room.

And then comes this scene between Hj. Bakhil and his wife,
'Wah...sayang, sayang...tadi kau sindir aku ya?'
'Sindir-sindir apa pulak bang? Saya tak bilang apa-apa.'
'Tadi kau bilang aku ni pura-pura pengsan uh?'
'Eh, tadi abang bukankah pengsan? Macam mana abang boleh dengar?'
'Hmmph...aku ni pengsan pesen baru laaa, kau mana tauuuu.'

Haha...okay, if you haven't watched you would have no idea what I'm talking about but if you have watched you'd have to agree that this part was funny right? Actually when I was small I didn't know what 'sindir' meant. Really! (don't laugh :P)...and I remember guessing that perhaps it meant to expose a secret or something coz the wife said she didn't say anything as if exposing a secret. Now I know what it means. Definitely not what I thought.

There's this thing about us humans that we just can't help but comment on things. Give negative remarks that is, and oftenly say them in sarcastic ways. Sometimes even to the extent of discriminating others. Is this a right thing to do? Let's learn from this particular thought I got from a book.

"Telingaku paling alergik mendengar caci-mencaci, kata-kata kotor apalagi umpatan melaknat. Tak ada yang berhak melaknat manusia kecuali Tuhan. Manusia jelas-jelas telah dimuliakan oleh Tuhan. Tanpa membezakan siapa pun dia. Semua manusia telah dimuliakan Tuhan sebagaimana tertera dalam Al-Quran, Wa laqad karamna banii Adam. (Dan telah Kami muliakan anak keturunan Adam!) Jika Tuhan telah memuliakan manusia, kenapa masih ada manusia yang mencaci dan melaknat sesama manusia? Apakah ia merasa lebih tinggi martabatnya daripada Tuhan?"

So what do you think of that? Something different ey? I never thought of it that way you know. This paragraph really caught my attention and got me thinking. Sometimes we just don't realise how small we are in front of Allah. We do things without proper thought. My brothers and sisters, don't let that tongue slip. Control it because nobody's perfect. Imperfection, includes you. As humble servants we have no rights whatsoever to anything unless our Lord, Allah permits it. So, let's use our tongues wisely :) okay?

Sahabat selamanya...

I've mentioned before that we're not alone in this world and that the world doesn't just revolve around us. Indeed we need other people and that's how we make it through life, being helped and helping others. I paid a visit to my dear college last month after my final exams. It's nice to know that the guards still remember me :) Passing through the gates made me feel like I never left. I love my school and I love it so because I owe it a lot. I owe my school my life and I say that because there is where I learnt in greater depth about meaning of life. I didn't fully understand then, neither have I understood clearly now but even so, that school was the start of it. The start of my journey in search of the truth. My eyes were opened and so was my heart. Despite whatever hardship faced (I tell you boarding school life especially 5 years of it isn't easy) I found Islam. Weird you say? My friends would find it weird I'm sure but yes, in school is where I found it. Somewhere, somehow I did and because of that I will forever be grateful to my school.

I met a lot of my teachers who still remember me and yes, that did bring tears to my soul. Teachers who have given me so much and when compared to them I'd feel so tiny and yet they still remember me. I don't know about you but for me, to be remembered by people I respect is indeed something I'd feel very touched about. Chatted with a few of them but I had this long talk with Ustazah Habibah who only taught me when I was in form 2. I used to remember that I felt so lucky to have her teach me. Not that I didn't want anybody else but you know, sometimes you just have this dream of getting a particular teacher. Alhamdulillah, that year I did. She taught me many things far more than whatever thing in the textbook that she had to teach. It wasn't that, that caught me. I was touched mostly by her herself.

I see in her, a way of thinking that is different and somehow very easy for me to relate to. I always thought of her as a grandmother to me. You know why? Because she is so full of wisdom and she has that way of making me realise things just by saying so few. I couldn't say mother because I don't know, I feel that to be more sacred and only for my mum. You know one of the things she said to me that day?

"Nanti bila dah fly, cari kawan yang baik ya Nadira? Kawan tu penting. InsyaAllah ada."

I'd say that is an awesome piece of advice. Sound unimportant to you? Well I say it's important! And I'm forever thankful to Allah for the friends I already have that are dear to me :)

But wait! Take a look at this...

"Pada hari itu sahabat-sahabat karib: setengahnya akan menjadi musuh kepada setengahnya yang lain, kecuali orang-orang yang persahabatannya berdasarkan taqwa (iman dan amal salih)."
[Az-Zukhruf 43:67]

To my friends, I don't want us to only be friends here in this life we're in. I want us to be friends even in the after life. We often hear people say friends forever right? How long is your forever? Ever thought of that? I don't want us to care for each other and love each other now and later be enemies in akhirat. I want us to still care and love each other in front of Allah later on when all of us are faced to Him.

Mind you, this is not only for friends, but also for family...anybody dear to you really. Anybody you love no matter what the relation. Mother, father, brother, sister, classmate, housemate, roommate, college mate...anything at all. Even a person who has nothing to do with you except hold on to the same faith. Even a person you love that does or doesn't love you back. I know that later in after life, I wanna stay loving to them and how can I do that? Ensure that it's all because of Allah and done with taqwa.

Are your reasons for being friends with others correct? If you're not sure then it's not too late to make it right :) Like I always say, it's never too late so long as you're still breathing :)

So, let me ask you if indeed you are my friend, why are you friends with me?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Kata Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal...

...'Perjuangan seorang mukmin sejati tidak akan berhenti kecuali ketika kedua telapak kakinya telah menginjak pintu syurga."

I read this two days ago in a book I just bought. I wonder how many of us have such thinking. We tend to view our goals in a very small scope. That's what I think. I mean, for example when we have to take our exams that would be our ultimate goal and once it's over we feel so at ease as if all the burden in this world is gone. There's nothing wrong in feeling relief after working so hard but the thing is we should quickly realise that it doesn't stop there. There is still so much to do and a long way ahead to go.

Sebenarnya diri ini terasa sangat jahil. Banyak sangat yang belum diketahui, belum didalami sedangkan hidup ni sudah 18 tahun berlalu. Masih muda? Mungkin, tapi umur itu apakah sudah benar-benar digunakan sebaiknya? hmm...

You know lately living life feels interesting. It's not that my life hasn't been interesting it's just that I'm beginning to see many things now. Learn things that I never knew before. Feel things that I've never felt. Very exciting I tell you. :D A quest through life. A quest in the name of Allah to find Him.

If you're not in that journey already, what are you waiting for? :P

Monday, November 30, 2009

This year's Aidiladha

This morning I tried to write. Oddly though the words don't seem to come out right. Okay I'm rhyming now. huhu...oh well, let's give it a shot.

Raya Haji this year is kinda different. In a good way that is :) At my grandparents' house the fruit trees used to bear lots of fruits everytime we came back. There are only 3 trees anyway. Rambutan, jambu and my all time favourite...MEMPELAM! hehe :D When I was small I'd get so excited everytime my dad or my uncles would go and get the fruits for us all to eat together. Sadly though the trees stopped bearing fruits for a couple of years. Suddenly now, there are FRUITS! Loads I tell you from each tree but my concern would of course be for mempelam most of all. ngee~ This time we all went to get the fruits together. Yang bestnye, kitorg sepupu duk sambut buah guna kain batik kat bawah pokok. :) Memang kampung habis kitorg hari tu. :D Well you see, all of us have been spending most of our lives in the city so this little 'event' (cewah, sampai panggil event :P) was wonderful! mira & shera jangan jealous ye? XD

That early morning, firstly of course we went for raya prayers at the mosque. It was full. I love it went the mosque is full :) Why don't people want to make it full all the time like that? Oh well, may better times come. I know it will. After the prayers, there was a khutbah given by the imam. One main thing he pointed out was about 'niat'. Let's see... what's niat in english? Intention? I guess along that line. He talked about how important 'niat' is in what we do. For example, why we give sacrifice. Is it for the right reasons? Is it truly for Allah? Another would be, why we go for hajj. Is it to go on holiday, shop, do business deals or again I ask, is it for Allah? How about sedekah (alms)? Do you give it with pride and the intention of showing off or is it for Allah?

You see, many people don't realise the importance of 'niat' in the things they do especially in ibadah. Doing things for the wrong reasons is such a shame and I think it's safe to say that it is also a waste of time. If what you do is not for Allah, my brothers and sisters it really is a waste. That's why some people, before beginning or continuing to do something they like to say 'Mari kita perbaharui niat,' (let's look back & renew our intentions). Even the 1st hadith of the 40 hadiths of Imam Nawawi talked about niat before anything else. This shows priority, right?

He also talked about family ties. The main point was about how we the generations of Adam nearing the end of time have changed and that how the family institution itself is to be blamed. This has to be true because family shapes a person. He gave this scenario which struck me hard,
Sekarang kita lihat dalam sebuah keluarga itu, ibu bapa dan anak-anak berjemaah ketika makan. Mereka juga berjemaah ketika menonton televisyen dan bermain. Namun, mengapa ketika tibanya solat, masing-masing membawa diri masing-masing? Do you have an answer to that? It's true isn't it? Why is there no togetherness in performing solat?

Generally that's how it is now. Even so, I do know that amidst all that there are still some people who still practice praying together as a family. People who devote their lives in order to achieve death and at last meet their Creator. People who are ever so gentle to others, knowing that is how it should be living in this world with other people but brave and fierce only to those who wish to tarnish their faith. Strong against enemies of Allah. People who spend their early mornings before dawn in prayers and not sleep. People who sacrifice temporary joy in life for eternal joy in the after life.

Yes, people like this do exist. No matter how little the number they do exist. It is no fantasy my brothers and sisters. The question is, do you wanna be one of these so called few?

Sunday, November 29, 2009

I just got back from my kampung!

Salam Alayk,

Sorry for not writing these past few days. Went back you see so it's kinda difficult to post anything. Mostly due to the fact that I suddenly couldn't write. huhu...Writer's block? (sudden lack of good wordings and such making writing very difficult) I guess that would explain it. :P Oh well, I do have loads to tell. Wait till my next posts cay? I am quite tired right now. I might post something tomorrow morning insyaAllah. Till then, take care~ ^_^


By the way, remember this verse I posted?

"Dan jangan sekali-kali engkau mengatakan terhadap sesuatu, 'Aku pasti melakukan itu besok pagi,' kecuali (dengan mengatakan), 'InsyaAllah'. Dan ingatlah kepada Tuhanmu apabila engkau lupa dan katakanlah, "Mudah-mudahan Tuhanku akan memberiku petunjuk kepadaku agar aku yang lebih dekat (kebenarannya) daripada ini."
[Al-Kahfi 18:23 & 24]

Menurut riwayat, ada beberapa orang Quraisy bertanya kepada Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. tentang roh, kisah Ashabul Kahfi (penghuni gua) dan kisah Zulkarnain lalu beliau menjawab, datanglah besok pagi kepadaku agar aku ceritakan kepadamu dan beliau tidak mengucapkan insyaAllah (jika Allah menghendaki). Sampai esok harinya, wahyu lambat datang untuk menceritakan hal-hal tersebut dan Nabi tidak dapat menjawabnya. Maka turunlah ayat 23-24 di atas, sebagai pelajaran kepada Nabi; Allah mengingatkan pula bilamana Nabi terlupa menyebut insyaAllah haruslah segera menyebutkannya kemudian.

Jadi, tidakkah kamu mahu mengambil pelajaran seperti Rasulullah ? :)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Ketika Cinta Bertasbih

Suddenly people are talking about this story ey? I know the books have been out for ages now. I haven't gotten myself to reading it yet but I just watched the movie. The first one that is coz there are 2 books if I'm not mistaken. Oh well, what I want to write here is the poem that Ana read out in the story. I relate to what she said more than to what Husna said. Here goes...

"Sekalipun cinta telah ku uraikan dan ku jelaskan panjang lebar,
namun jika cinta kudatangi, aku jadi malu pada keteranganku sendiri.
Meskipun lidahku telah mampu menguraikan, namun tanpa lidah,
cinta ternyata lebih terang sementara pena begitu tergesa-gesa menuliskannya.
Kata-kata pecah berkeping-keping begitu sampai kepada cinta.
Dalam menguraikan cinta, akal terbaring tak berdaya.
Bagaikan keldai terbaring dalam lumpur.
Cinta sendirilah yang menerangkan cinta dan percintaan."

The first time I heard Ana say this it felt like it went straight to my soul. You know the feeling when you want to say something but you find no words for them and suddenly this person says it out for you perfectly. That's how I felt.

Islam itu sungguh indah sekiranya kita mengambil masa untuk memahami, jika kita sendiri mahu memahami. Subhanallah, Maha Suci Allah...sungguh Engkau menyentuh hatiku ini~

Hello Asthma :)

Welcome back my dear old friend :) In case you're wondering I am refering to asthma as in the sickness where it becomes difficult for me to breathe. I grew out of it but now it's back again. Why do I call it my friend?

Because anything that reminds me of death and Allah is my friend :)

Not to worry though, I'm cool with it. Having shortness of breath and all. If you're not used to it, it sure can be a scary experience but I've passed the phase where it used to scare me. I'm not scared anymore in fact I feel loved. Weird huh? Biar la. hehe :P Just got back from the hospital. Got myself a brand new inhaler. Haven't used one of those for so long so I had to have it demonstrated just now by a pharmacist. He was very pleasant. I hope to be as pleasant when I'm a doctor.

I love going to the hospital. Doesn't matter if I'm sick or not. I just like being there. One place I feel like I belong. There's this welcoming feeling and I imagine myself going here and there, up and down the stairs meeting patients and all. Ahh...just soothing. Huhu...I hope I don't become too much of a workaholic. Kesian mama, abah & kakak kalau adik jadi macam tu. Kena ingat untuk balik rumah. :P

You know, while waiting for the specialist just now there was this saying I saw on the white board. I notice that there always will be some sort of cool quote there everytime I go and visit the hospital. I guess something to inspire the doctors? Well this one goes like this,

"To get what you have never had, you must do what you have never done."

What do you think? Cool huh? It can be interpreted in many ways of course so I'll leave that to you. Just a reminder, the part about 'you must do what you have never done' thing, as long as it doesn't go against syariat Islam okay? ^_^

Now that I've shared a quote, let's look into the Quran for something. Wait a second as I flip through okay? Tunggu jap. hmm....let's see. Ahaa..here's one.

"Di mana pun kamu berada, kematian akan mendapatkan kamu, kendatipun kamu berada di dalam benteng yang tinggi dan kukuh. Jika mereka memperoleh kebaikan, mereka mengatakan, "Ini dari sisi Allah", dan jika mereka ditimpa suatu keburukan mereka mengatakan, "Ini dari engkau (Muhammad)," Katakanlah, "Semuanya (datang) dari sisi Allah." Maka mengapa orang-orang itu (orang-orang munafik) hampir-hampir tidak memahami perbicaraan (sedikit pun)?"
[An-Nisa 4: 78]

That's it, all comes from Allah. Be it something you like or something you don't like. Nikmat mahupun musibah. Semuanya dari sisi Allah S.W.T. Mungkin kadang-kadang kita terlupa ye dok? :P You know one thing that I find very inspiring? It's the fact that, orang yang zuhud memandang nikmat dan musibah itu sama. Oleh itu, ketika mendapat nikmat dia tidak terlalu gembira dan apabila mendapat musibah dia tidak terlalu sedih.

Apa itu zuhud? Maybe we can talk about that some other time ey? Tak boleh tulis panjang-panjang ni. Matlamat kita nak orang baca jadi tak nak menyusahkan kerana terlalu panjang pula. Till the next post then.

*cough..cough..

It's okay, I'm alright :) hee~

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I need to remind myself

Kasih sayang bukan melemahkan hati, bukan membawa putus asa, bukan menimbulkan tangis sedu sedan. Tetapi, kasih sayang menghidupkan pengharapan, menguatkan hati dalam perjuangan menempuh onak duri penghidupan. – Hamka.


Something I found at arine's blog. It's great isn't it? The things people say that make you think. I have this problem in me that I can't help but feel this urge of being someone else other than me. Being like other people that is. Wishing I'd be I dunno...someone better? Why do I feel this way? Despite the things people say or think of me, I tend to look down on myself. Very low self-esteem you see. I don't even remember when I started feeling like this. Believing in oneself is very powerful but I regret to say that most of the time I don't feel confident at all. Confidence can take you a long way. Maybe that's why I'm still here unmoved? Am I moving? I just don't know. I want to believe in myself but I find that to be very difficult. That's when I think about it that is. If I don't think, somehow my subconcious seems to be very confident. haha...weird. I know. Oh well, I guess I need to be reminded that there's nothing wrong in being who I am and that being myself is how I should be.
I have to stop being afraid of being me. I should be happy.

Right?

Peace in returning

I came across this saying,

"True freedom is when you have somewhere to return."

What do you think? It striked me that, when people talk about freedom it's about being free to go and do whatever you want to do without anyone or anything holding you back. How true is that?

When you think about it, after going places you want to go and doing the things you want to do, what next? It would be never ending unless you know that you have somewhere to return to after all that. A journey that goes on and on with no clear aim and you end up getting tired of it and wanting to stop. Let's look at an example. A bird for instance. People like associating freedom with birds right? When you see them fly above in that vast blue sky you'd think that they are so full of freedom. You forget though that when they fly away, due time their wings would get tired. If they don't find a place or a branch to land on and rest their wings they might regret having those wings in the first place. Ever thought of that?

Knowing you belong somewhere and have a place to go back to, seems to be very calming to the soul. At least to me it is. Perhaps that's how life is. From death comes out life. From nothing comes something. To return would mean, to die.

Do you think about death? Honestly do you? Do you remember the fact that one day you will die? This isn't supposed to be freaky or anything but people avoid to talk about it anyway. I guess it depends on how you view death. I'm not saying I have a clear picture about it but I do know that I don't want to be afraid of it.

I'm sure you've heard of stories where people try hard to be immortal. A refusal to die. Why would you want that? Ironically in some stories people who are immortal want to die. You see why? When they experience immortality then only they realise that they don't want it. As I mentioned just now it becomes a never ending journey. They want to die because they want to stop. To die and find peace in that. That peace comes because you are returning to your creator. Makes sense right?

In Islam, life is one of the things we need to take care of the most. It's a gift and we're not supposed to just let go of it.

"...dan janganlah kamu membunuh dirimu. Sungguh Allah Maha Penyayang kepadamu."
[An-Nisa' 4:29]

But even so, looking forward to it and preparing with all your might to face death isn't wrong. It just shows that we're not in love with the world. The world is not what's in our hearts. I'd say it's true that manusia perlu kepada perkara yang ghaib, perlu kepada akhirat. That's how we've been created. There's peace in thinking about death. You just have to know the right the way to think.

My brothers and sisters, don't fear death...what you must fear is Allah.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Long distance relationships.


Ahaa...so what's on your mind about that? hehe...no taking it the wrong way now. I'm talking about friendship. Friendship with my friends who have left me. (sedih kan?) Left here meaning they've all gone to their universities overseas. You know, to get seperated is hard. Very difficult when you have no idea when you'd see them again but even if the chances of seeing each other is high, it doesn't make separation any easier.
I had a long chat with my best friend yesterday. Again, I'm sorry I did more talking Arine. Hehe..I mentioned before that she's in Bristol now. Busy of course with classes and all but luckily I caught her just before she had to go to her morning class. See? It's good to wake up early. You get to do so much. hehe :P And so we skyped. Lepas la rindu. How simple it is for us now. Even if all this technology didn't exist. I think we'd still be able to connect to each other and write letters at least. Thing about long distance is that both people have to want it to work.

When it's something you both want, it will happen. No matter how difficult or tedious the process may be. Even if you have all the technology in the world and yet you don't bother then there would be no relationship. It's about wanting it or not. Means and ways, you can always find them.

I was also lucky to chat with Adzreen & Adzwin. :) But both of them were ditching me for histology. Haha...they had to read. Yeah I know. Weird thing is one's in Russia and the other is in Poland and they actually ditched me for the same reason which is histo??? haha... but at least I got to say a few words :)

So, who says you can't maintain good relationship from far? You can :) And that includes relationships with your family, especially your parents. It doesn't matter how far you go. You can be at the other side of the world, a totally different hemisphere from your parents. Just, be sure to contact them. It may not appear very crucial to you but trust me it really is to them. We'd know when we become parents I guess. hehe...

We might have fights with our parents. Hardly agree on things, have different views and such but we're family. A bond created stronger than any other bond. A feeling that is different. You can never get rid of each other that's for sure. haha... I'd say you're stuck. So, make the best out of it. :) It needs effort. Different people have different ways. Some you see are close to their parents, and some really aren't. Not too late to change things though. It's never too late so long as you are still breathing.

Satu ciptaan Allah yang memang terasa indah dan dekat di hati ialah kasih sayang. That's what I think. Among all His great and wonderful creations, I really like that one. ^_^ A lot! It's always a good reason to want to live. To want to do things. It makes you happy.

Love your parents, love your brothers & sisters, love your whole family, love your friends...

Love them all because of Allah. He created love so never forget to give credit. hehe... Ucap syukur alhamdulillah.

May Allah bless us all, and that includes you :)

Monday, November 23, 2009

Pasta...yummy!

What about pasta? It's my breakfast this morning. hehe...leftovers from going out with mama yesterday. Sangat sedap! Why is it the title for this post? Coz I'm never good at choosing titles. :D haha..

I visited a blog this morning and found this quote,

"People tend to notice mistakes done by a person, but usually ignore the process of self improvement that this person is trying to make.."

What do you think? Well, I'd say it's quite true and rather unfair right? It all comes down to judging isn't it? Being judgemental towards others which most of the time is not a good thing. I said most of the time so surely there are acceptable instances but then again the trouble is the fact that we don't exactly know how to judge.

In a person, the truth lies in the heart. Something you and I will never be certain of. Something we can never be sure because the heart is not seen. It is hidden deep inside and you know how looks can be decieving. I notice now that even actions can be decieving. It's like there's no way of knowing the truth. We have to rely on our maturity or something to try and see through and at times what we conclude can be seriously wrong.

You know, I had a conversation with a friend last night and I asked about matters of the heart. Meaning to say here is that I asked how are we to know something when it all seems unclear and uncertain (looks and actions being decieving). Well, this friend told me that at moments like that, I'd have to look into my own heart. I'd have to try and understand with my heart and somehow by doing that, I'd see the truth. I should be able to get the answers to the quiries I have in me. I would be able to see.

Remember before I wrote a post about truth? click here to read. It was a long time ago but that time I said that truth is hard to come by because people are afraid of truth. They can't handle it and need something more. Now...I still think that's true. Is fear what blinds me from seeing with my heart? hmm... I fear assumptions. That I know.

The heart is a curious thing isn't it? That's why I like to talk about it :) There is a lot to explore concerning that particular part of us. I want to be able to understand with my heart. I really do. Don't you wanna know what your heart can do?

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Down memory lane

Salam Alayk,

wooops! I did say I'd write more often right? Looks like I haven't. Sorry about that. Oh well, here's a little something then. How many siblings do you have? In my case, it's just my big sister and I.

Kakak & Adik.

It's always been that way ever since I existed. My sister is four years older than me but even so, I've never felt distant from her because of age. When I was small, I used to remember her being my partner in crime. haha...practicaly coz she didn't have a choice really. Or did she? I can never really know. You see, my sister is special. She's not just an ordinary sister. The term people would use is spastic. She is a spastic child.

Despite being the youngest, I'm the eldest at the same time. I've been taking care of her since before I could understand why I needed to do it. At the back of my memory, one that I clearly remember is having to help her brush her teeth. I was really short back then. 4 years old. Had to climb up a chair to reach the sink and to reach her. She's always taller than me even now. haha... and there I was. A little girl brushing her sister's teeth with all her might. I used to think of it as a duty you know? Something bestowed upon me by my parents and be happily getting it accomplished.

but...as I grew older I guess I changed. I became impatient and I started fretting over things. I know I shouldn't but it happened and maybe to her being with me isn't such fun anymore as I felt that way with her but no. My sister never thinks ill of other people. She can't. She just doesn't know how. So how could I have been so mean? Perhaps it's just me being a child that for once wanted to be cared for by my sibling which I can't hope for from her in the way that other people might be able to.

Now, I try putting myself in her shoes. She didn't ask for this to happen to her and yet it did. I was thinking maybe in her head she thinks, 'It's like watching my little sister grow and I get left behind because I can't follow her and she can't stay.' Wouldn't it hurt her even more than me? And being her, she'd feel even more helpless coz she doesn't know how to make me feel better. All she knows is that I get mad all the time and it looks like it’s because of her. So somehow, we did become distant and stopped doing things together. Maybe in her logic, that’s the best thing to do so that I don’t cry and I don’t get mad.

I went off to boarding school. 5 years of it. Not being home most of the time made us grow even further apart. My mother told me though that she’d always ask about me when I’m not around. She’d ask the same questions everyday and my parents would answer the same way without fail and she’d be happy with just that. She’d ask things like, ‘Abah, adik makan ape pagi ni?’, ‘Adik pegi kelas ye ma?’, ‘Bila adik basuh baju?’, ‘Adik buat sendiri ye ma?’, ‘Adik tidur dengan sape?’, ‘Adik tak takut ke abah?’, ‘Adik tidur pukul berape?’, ‘Bila adik nak balik rumah?’....and the list goes on and on...

In front of me though she’d keep quiet. Not one word from all those questions when I get home. Nothing. She just does stays put and leaves me alone doing whatever I wanted to do. At times, I remember catching a glimpse of her looking at me and turning away quickly fearing I’d see her look.

Isn’t that just sad? Why couldn’t I see that time that I have one person at home who loves me so much no matter what I do? A person that never can get mad at me and is always there to give me a smile hoping that I’d smile back.

Always there and wants me to love her too.

That was the past. I’m not like that anymore. Growing up made me see a lot of things and I grew out that age where I was always jealous of the attention she gets. I miss her. A feeling in me that I never really understood before. I guess the distancing for all these years made me forget how she used to be so important to me. I’m mending things now. Have been trying for a few years already. It’s fruitful, we are getting close again. I’d have to take it slow. Get to know her again and let her try to get to know me. Let her know that I won’t get upset anymore and that I love her.

I do love my sister.

I’ve always had this problem whereby I rarely show how I care up to the point that I don’t know how anymore. Even my best friend complained about that. Haha :P I have this gift of making people feel like they’re not special to me when in actual fact those I hold dear to my heart, I can never really let go. I just can’t because once I love you, I always will. The thing is, people are the ones that want me to go away. So, you can’t blame me for liking the fact that I’m a loner. I have friends who are very close to me. Many in fact that it’s ironic if I say I’m a loner but that’s how it is. Ask around, they’d tell you how I usually walk on my own because I like to.

At times I seek comfort in others. I thank you all for bearing with me. Now I’ve decided that, I’d stay with those who actually want me to stay rather than bother those who’d wish that I leave.

Kak, adik mintak maaf sebab lame btul pegi tinggal kakak sorang2. That’s because I know you’re strong like me! :) coz we’re sisters! I’m back now and I never wanna leave you again. I’ve been back for quite a while already right? Evenhough I know you don’t understand any of this, I know our hearts understand each other :)

Allah gave you me! Your little sister who’ll fight off all the bad people out there and never let anyone hurt you so you need not be afraid of anything else but Allah. Coz whatever happens, I’m your little sister and you are my one and only kakak.
"...dan (peliharalah) hubungan kekeluargaan. Sesungguhnya Allah selalu menjaga dan mengawasimu."
[An-Nisa' 4:1]

Allah brought me back home. Alhamdulillah :)

Monday, November 16, 2009

I'm back now after so long :)

Assalamualaikum my brothers and sisters :)

Owh how I missed writing since it's been such a long while. Forgive me. I had my finals which is now done alhamdulillah. The holidays are here! Yet I'll only be heading back on Thursday. That's alright. InsyaAllah, this holiday will be a meaningful one.

Sungguh-sungguh kali ni. Semoga Allah memberi peluang dan kekuatan untuk teruskan apa yang saya harap untuk lakukan. InsyaAllah :)

This morning I woke up a little late than usual. Had a long chat with my dearest friend whom I haven't been talking to for so long. Thank Allah for that. She seemed well. We did a lot of catching up. I hope I wasn't the one talking too much though. I do have that tendency sometimes. Huhu...sorry! Friendship is a beautiful thing now isn't it? One of the many wonderful things Allah has created for us. I thank Allah for giving me such great friends. You see, it's not quantity that's important. At least not in this case. Here it's quality.

Let me ask you. Do you pray for your friends? Do you understand how it's like to pray for your friend and the implications it has on you?

I'm sure it's common for you to hear your friends say, 'Do pray for me. I've got finals tomorrow!' or 'I'm so worried. Pray for me will you?'. Well now, when you utter the words, 'Okay' or 'InsyaAllah', do you actually pray for them?

You see, you have actually made a promise there and for that you must ensure you keep to your word. You know, when you pray for a friend or anyone aside from yourself for that matter, malaikat will pray for you. You think that's an unimportant fact? My, my...it is important! Can you imagine how it's like to have one with no sin to pray for your well being? Malaikat, who never goes against Allah's wishes and created without nafs. Having them pray for you, wouldn't you want that? I know I would :)

Then again, I feel it's a bit improper when we do so only to hope for something in return. Try doing it just for Allah. That gives a whole new feeling to it. Never feel that praying for others is a waste of time. It isn't. Surely it isn't. And you know, a gift of prayer is better than materialistic things. I also heard before that it's best when you pray for someone and that person doesn't know. Unless you tell, there's no way he or she would find out right? :P So I guess we shouldn't be dissappointed if we don't get presents on our birthdays? Haha...for all you know, those people dear to you have been praying for you without you knowing. You've already recieved the best gift! A nice way to think of it ey? And thinking that, you should want to pray for them as well so even if they didn't, you'd be getting presents from malaikat anyway. Awesome! :)

So when you pray, don't forget to pray for others too cay? A reminder to myself and you.

By the way, insyaAllah I'll make it a point to write more frequently now that it's the holidays. I do have so much I want to share. Do read on okay? Till then...may Allah take care of you :)

Monday, October 26, 2009

I got shot...

I mean a shot a.k.a injected. Now this is one of the things I hate. Seriously. I've made an entry about getting shots in my old blog and I tell you I didn't like them then and I still don't like them now. It's a shot for immunity against meningitis that'll last for 2 years the doctor said. Oh well, gotta get it done before I go you see. Where will I go? Ade la... :P


Okay back to the hatred. Shots bring out the worst in me. I get all cold and freaked out when I know I'm gonna get an injection so dad's move in making it a surprise kinda helped. Haha... It didn't hurt. Well, the pain wasn't what I was afraid of. I just didn't like the idea of something foreign going into me. When the needle invades my skin and places this liquid of inactive pathogens in me. Ugh.. What more when I need to draw blood. An invading needle taking out my blood! I can feel my body screaming NO! Okay, that was just me being dramatic. Huhu... I'll get over it. At least I'm better than before when it comes to this. Bottom line is I just don't like injections. This refers to me getting them by the way. If I have to poke anyone that wouldn't be a problem :P


Thing is, last night my arm hurt. It hurt really bad that I refused to move and I felt like I might get a fever too. Really not a pleasant time I tell you. I couldn't even lie down properly and because of it I can't help but complain a little. I wasn't dreading it or blaming anyone. Oh well, I was just uncomfortable and so I seeked comfort. Makes sense right? :)


Then someone without realising it comforted me by saying this,

"Sakit itu datang dari Allah dan Allah jualah yang menyembuhkan. Sahabat tidak minta untuk disembuhkan kerana dalam sakit itu ada penawar."
Hopefully you'd learn something from that as I did. I don't know about you but for me sometimes it's not much of the complaint really, when you don't feel good you just want to talk about it. You don't actually want a solution to solve that problem but rather to know that someone is listening to you and offering comfort. Still, we must always remember that even pain comes from Allah and when Allah destines something to happen it is never without purpose.

As to the person who said this, thank you once again :)

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Do you get what I'm saying?

Salam alayk~

Few days ago I wrote this essay for a competition. Despite that you know me, I can't just write something without really putting my heart to it somehow so I'd say this is kinda personal. Thought it'd be nice to share with all of you but I do wonder if the message I'm trying to say passes through. Oh well, do read :)

Title : A recipe for disaster in my life (freaky ey? :P)

They say life is how you perceive it. I say so too. To have a positive outlook all the time is somewhat impossible for most people and that includes me. Why? It is because going through life, you realise that things do not always go your way and you tend to ponder too long on moments that are bleak. We all have fears that might differ from others and usually meeting it would be what we call disastrous. A disaster is something no one wants and the very thought of it chills me to my bones but I shall write on, bearing every bit of it and allow you to enter this so-called nightmare of mine in which I never wish to meet. What might that be you ask? Nothing complicated really, just one word –lost.

To be lost is devastating and here I do not mean the regular term of not knowing where you are literally although being lost in that sense has a fair share of frustration and fear. Lost here is rather one’s state of being. Being in the said condition gives me a helpless feeling and the worst part is it is not just a feeling but an actual state of being helpless. I would not be able to do anything and my life at that point will be filled with pointless actions bringing no benefit whatsoever to me. I become a breathing body with no hopes and dreams that are worthy and no clear goal to achieve simply because I am lost.

Have you ever thought of the reason why you exist and try answering that without a tinge of selfishness towards yourself? You see, life is not just about you and in fact you do not own the life you boldly say is yours. There is no escape in realising that there is someone of higher power controlling everything it is just that we refuse to think about it eventually not wanting to admit. I have always had trouble choosing even the simplest things like what colour I would wear today let alone choose between paths that I should take. What more to know what truly is best for me. I depend a lot on my instincts so tell me, what should I do if my instincts are taken away?

An instinct to do something for instance to differ between right and wrong is something you feel in your heart and not something you think about with your mind. It is as if your inner voice is telling you what to do and you trust in it ever so much because you know that everything will be alright eventually. That voice, that urge, that intuition is none other than a form of guidance when you need it. True enough your heart is not the only thing that speaks to you. Your mind can also be interrupted by thoughts externally given by Satan and now that is where we need to be smart in finding out which voice comes truly from our hearts. Trouble is when I do not know how and that is when I am lost.

I shudder to think I have been left astray because if I am then no one alive or dead can help me. Not even those who are rich or those full of intellect. If I happen to be chosen by my Lord to be the one deviating from the right path and lost, no one but Him alone can save me. And that mind you, is a fact so true. How could I not feel that being lost is a recipe for disaster? A chain effect results from it you see. Say, I do not know the true meaning of life and I wake up every morning living my days doing nothing to attain the goal I should want to achieve. How cavalier I would be, striving for purposes I myself put forward ignoring those that are already laid out for me. I would say such shame.

All that hard work each day would be for nothing if I do not know my exact purpose of life. What will I become? I might be happy but to what extent will that be true? The so-called happiness over trivial things is just calamity in disguise. If I am sad, would my depression get the best of me and cause me to dread life for what it has become and kill me? That grief could have actually been a blessing that I was too blind to see. This mind of mine will only think of things that are short term rather than what is in the long run and worse still, (I pray I be far from it) I would forget my faith. If forgetting faith due to being lost is not a disaster then I do not know what is.
Guidance from my Lord is what I desire. It is not about perfection. My life will not be disastrous just because I say it is not perfect. Imperfection in fact is what makes me human and it is actually true when I say that imperfection colours my life till this very day. To realise that whatever happens in life is what is best for us as it has been fated by the One who knows all, is how things should be. To suddenly forget that is sadly a common thing among us and this state of being is what I call lost. I do not know for sure pertaining my current condition whether or not I am falling into my worst nightmare but a wise man once said that if the heart still longs for faith and wants good things then all is not lost just yet.

I would want to be saved, to be taken out from the darkness of being ignorant to the light of true faith because only then will I be protected and honestly feel secure. Otherwise although petty as this may sound to other people; my life would really be a disaster. Imagine a small child just reaching out his or her hand hoping to be held yet just waving into space not finding anything and being left disappointed. Would that not be sad? Imagine instead that tiny hand being clutched secure but gently at last right when he or she was about to give up and that child is you. You too would want to be saved am I correct? All of us need something to hold on to thus, we should hold on to what is strongest and surely the strongest is none other than our Lord.
I do not know about you but as for me, I really do not want to be lost.

____________________________________________________________

That's it. So here's the question. Do you get what I'm saying?

Sunday, September 27, 2009

I didn't forget you :)

You didn't think I did, did you? I was devastated coz I didn't get to send you off the first time you went :'( Thank you for calling before you left. Really appreciate it (would've killed you if you didn't actually :P) haha... I passed ur present to Arine. Hopefully she'd be able to carefully open it. She just stashed it in her bag last night. XP typical Arinah ey? haha...

As for mine, it's kinda remarkable actually that I haven't opened it but I have to admit slight peeks were inavoidable :D ngee~

Hold it! I've been talking away and yet you don't know who I'm refering to (except the person of course). Heh. Who else if not....


Adzwin Dimyati

I know you don't like this picture but I do! :P




Yup. Her turn.

SEDEY!....Budak yang dah pindah Shah Alam tapi jarang visit. Apekah? Haha... Oh well, our last encounter was of course at the famous Section 18 of Shah Alam :P You hearing me yell and me getting hit due to certain things in a certain new black book :P (okay close case) haha... Me hearing you yourself scream, us walking round the block getting your spectacles...meeting your mum at Giant and of course the things we did with Adzreen when she was around. Baju L yang tak dapat beli. huhu...xpe2...ada hikmah :)

Good luck ey? MISS YOU LOTS!


:'(



Stylish ey? :D

Nasib Nadira ditinggalkan rakan-rakan. haha...kidding :P Take care Adzwin!

Budak bernama Arinah.

Wow. What do you think of the title? I think it's the weirdest yet. XP haha... Oh well, last night I sent her off to Bristol. Didn't get to spend much time with her or chat at the airport but no matter...I said the things I wanted to in my letter. You know me, letters is the way to go. haha... I was the only non-family member sending her off anyway so I can't suddenly just pull her away. But come to think of it her family is great! I didn't feel left out at all with them. That night I went back with her parents and spent the night at her house. 1st time without her though. Sad? haha...I refuse to say anything concerning that. bluekk :P Any message for her? Nope. Not here. I've said enough elsewhere right Arine? huhu...






I'm alone now.

No more Adzreen, Adzwin, Adi .... Arine~
I'll come after you guys. Just wait. InsyaAllah... Pray for me.






I love you guys. Really... :) Take care.
p/s: Arine call me aite? I don't care XD

Friday, September 18, 2009

Home

A warm word don't you think? Some people might not bother much about it but well for me, 'home' is comfort. Leganya nk balik ni.

Will be leaving soon this evening. Do pray I get home safely cay? InsyaAllah. Lega nak balik tu satu hal, sedih pun ade gak. Kenapa? Ramadhan nak habis :( 1 bulan memang kejap je kan? Syukur Alhamdulillah dapat bertemu Ramadhan tahun ni. Memang lain sangat lah daripada Ramadhan2 sebelum ni. Dugaannya ya Allah...Allah je la yang tau perasaan hati ni. Gembira pun mesti ada :) Itu pun Allah je yang tau kenape. hehe :P Banyak lak simpan rahsia ngan Allah. ^_^ Best tau :P ngee~

Here's a quote I read from Sis Zabrina,

"God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches you by means of opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly - not one."

Deep isn't it? I can't always be happy, neither can I always be sad. I must have both.

Alright then, gotta go now. My uncle will pick me up soon. Have a nice break everyone. Happy Eid Mubarak! :)

I fell into the hole again...

=_= ouch!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

2 kisah :)

Salam Alayk,

All this talk about misery must have bored you especially when what's being said is mostly vague. Sorry! Let's talk about something else now shall we? First off, smile! :) hehe...

So you're smiling now? Good. Setting off a good by smiling is important, no? :D Okay now we can begin. Today I went to the Cemara surau as usual for my Isya' & terawih prayers. There was a tazkirah session before perfoming witir and the imam told us 2 stories. I had a smile etched on my face immediately after hearing him start coz it brought back memories :) Especially the first story. Allow me to convey it in malay cay?

1st story:

Ada seorang abid yang hidup selama 500 tahun. Sepanjang kehidupannya itu, dia telah beribadah kepada Allah yakni solat dengan bersungguh-sungguh tanpa meninggalkan satu waktu pun. Memang kerjanya hanya beribadah kepada Allah siang dan malam selama 500 tahun. Apabila tiba masanya abid itu menghadap Allah, dia berkata. "Ya Allah, masukkanlah aku ke dalam syurga kerana amalan ku." Maka, malaikat pun mula menghitung dan akhirnya, hanya mata kiri abid itu yang layak masuk ke syurga sedangkan seluruh anggota badannya yang lain ke neraka.

Mengapa begitu?

Kerana setelah dihitung, rupa-rupanya ibadahnya selama 500 tahun itu hanya dapat membalas nikmat mata kirinya yang Allah berikan. o_O??? (nikmat mata kiri je??!) Yup, hanya nikmat mata kiri, belum lg nikmat-nikmat yang lain. haaa....Bila pikir balik, kita ni mcm mane?

Silapnya disini ialah permintaan abid itu. Apabila ingin memohon sesuatu e.g. 'dimasukkan ke dalam syurga Allah', perkara itu harus dipohon dengan 'Rahmat' Allah, bukan dgn 'amalan' kita. Sungguh, yang menentukan segala-galanya itu tetap Allah. Jadi, nanti bila doa, jangan lupe perkataan tu.

----why did I say memorable just now? Actually I read about this story 6 years ago in a book that I can't recall the title. Found in the mussola one day when I was sitting there. It feels very warm inside to hear it being told again :) to know that others know it too---

2nd story:

Ada satu ketika selepas selesai menunaikan solat Subuh berjemaah, Rasulullah S.A.W. bertanya kepada para sahabat.
"Siapakah di antara kamu yang berpuasa pada hari ini?"
Semua terdiam lalu Saidina Umar pun menjawab, "Saya tidak berniat semalam maka hari ini saya tidak berpuasa." Ramai yang menyatakan perkara serupa.

Rasulullah bertanya lagi, "Siapakah di antara kamu yang sudah bersedekah pada hari ini?"
Umar menjawab, "Kita masih belum pulang dan keluar dari masjid, saya belum bersedekah." Sahabat-sahabat lain mengiyakannya lagi.

Rasulullah bertanya lagi, "Siapakah di antara kamu yang sudah menziarahi orang yang sakit?"
Umar menjawab, "Belum ya Rasulullah." Begitu juga sahabat-sahabat lain.

Rasullulah kelihatan sedih. Kemudian bangun seorang lelaki dan dia berkata.
"Ya Rasulullah, saya berpuasa pada hari ini. Pagi tadi dalam perjalanan ke masjid saya terjumpa seorang peminta sedekah lalu saya memberi sedekah kepadanya. Sebelum ke sini, saya telah terlebih dahulu menziarah saudara saya yang sedang sakit."

Siapakah lelaki itu?

Dialah, Saidina Abu Bakar.

---now this story I just love :)---

Alhamdulillah, dapat kongsi post yang bermanfaat sket drpd yang sebelum ni...huhu :P
InsyaAllah, semoga dapat kita ambil iktibar dari kedua-dua kisah diatas.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

"You must learn to switch off."

A friend told me that just now, nodding away as he did.

It got me thinking. Hmm... cane nk wat ek? True enough what he said triggered a thought in me. What caught me was that he used the word 'learn'. I must learn to switch off. Lately I've been learning a lot of things and I figured if it wasn't for my current predicament I might've missed those things. I might have taken them for granted or worse, not realise at all. So you see, I guess things aren't so bad (pujuk diri sendiri ni). It's not like I didn't gain anything, in fact I've gained so much. Come to think of it I just didn't get one thing which is something I really want. Instead, I got things that I needed and mind you notice the difference there? I want ONE thing and I get MANY things that I need.

Allah has His ways in doing things quite out of the ordinary and of course He would do so as He likes what's out of norm. Can I say for that reason He likes me? hehe :P Nak gak kate cmtu... ^_^ ngee~

Oh well, now the question is where is this switch off button? How do I switch off?

"Kan org suro blaja...haish...takkan sume bende nk kene gtau cane nk wat kot?"
"Ala...tp tolong la, mmg serious xtau cane nk wat ni wey."
-dialog dalaman- apekah? :P

Okay, gotta start learning then. Inside the mind is a more complicated world than the living. One might get lost, drift the wrong way or find the right path. To keep only to your mind without letting people know what's running through it can complicate things and so one should eventually try to speak. Then again perhaps you're waiting for something. For time perhaps? I've said before time can be a curious thing. Lets see what time will do this time.

As for now, seriously mane button nk switch off ni? XD

I'm human...

Setiap kali hati mereka berpaling berputus asa, tiba-tiba terdengar panggilan dari tanda-tanda keindahan, 'Wahai orang yang berputus asa! Bersabarlah untuk meraih kebenaran yang belum kau kenal, tetapi sudah begitu tergesa kau gapai.'
-Imam Ghazali-


I'm sorry, I said I'd smile and that I'd stop crying but I guess this month my heart is even more fragile and so tears seem to fall ever so easily. I'm not giving up, it's just that I'm human. I won't pretend like I can withstand it all and that I can go through whatever, no sweat. No, that wouldn't be me. But hey, I do try. If I can find anything to cheer me up I will be happy. Wishing it lasts longer though. Haha...but it's okay.


I love crying for Allah coz then only are my tears worth...crying for other people just makes me pathetic but then again that weakness is just me being human. May I be given patience.


I need to be patient.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

A reminder to myself:
BEING UNHAPPY IS BEING SELFISH. DONT EVER BE. IF YOU DONT FEEL LIKE SMILING, AT LEAST DO IT SO THAT THE WORLD DOESNT CRY WITH YOU.

Found this at Arine's blog. Ouch! Haha...okay..okay, I'm smiling now see? :)

p/s: can't wait for friday ^_^

Hear me crap...

Okay it's not exactly crapping but crapping sounds like a good word :P

You know I've been better before. Lately my posts potray somesort of misery hanging over me. Especially my latest post.

I notice that I can never really portray how I feel. It's as if the right words just won't fall out and it's killing me because I can't make people see and understand. I can't reach out and that feeling so desperately wanting to believe in something but not finding it leaves me helpless. Exactly how a friend of mine wrote in her blog, I lie to myself. I make up excuses for what's been happening. I make them up to comfort myself. I make them up so that I don't stay mad at you for long and so that I don't give up hope. I said to a friend once before that I'm tired of explaining myself. Am I really? Or perhaps the truth is I just don't know what to say?

Even to me, silence hurts more than saying something blunt. Silence is never a good choice coz it leaves you in uncertainty with false hopes building up just to keep you sane. And false hope definitely hurts more than knowing exactly the reality of where we stand. This, I would know. Hearing things from other people makes it worse because the two of us never really talk it over properly and what others say may not be the truth. May not be how we meant to say it. Why aren't we talking? Why are we letting others do so for us? I don't wish to hurt you, nor do I wish to complicate things for you.

I simply want to straighten things out. I want us to be okay.

Hmm...Am I trying too hard that things don't seem to go quite right? I can't help it coz I get worried in which I need relief. I said some things I wish I could take back because they just came out all wrong, but I know I can't turn back time to mend what's already done. I'm willing to fix things but I can't do it alone...

Will you talk to me?

p/s: told you i'm crapping...huhu

Monday, September 7, 2009

Pesanan buat diri...

Dira, sudah la tu.
La takhof wa la tahzan, inallaha ma'ana.
And that's what matters most.

Let's read a story :)

Salam Alayk my brothers and sisters,

Apa khabar iman hari ni? Lama tak tanya. hehe... InsyaAllah baik dan bertambah baik. Yesterday while reading the Quran I came over a story I find to be sweet :) Well, the Quran certainly has many wonders. Wonders that can't be equalised by anything written by man simply because the Quran is written by Allah S.W.T.


"Dan jika kamu meragukan (Al-Quran) yang Kami turunkan kepada hamba Kami (Muhammad), maka buatlah satu surah semisal dengannya dan ajaklah penolong-penolong selain Allah, jika kamu orang-orang yang benar. Jika kamu tidak mampu membuatnya, dan (pasti) tidak akan mampu, maka takutlah kamu akan api neraka yang bahan bakarnya manusia dan batu yang disediakan bagi orang-orang kafir."
[Al-Baqarah 2:23&24]

This morning I decided to share this so called sweet story. Hehe :D Allah is the one telling it anyway so please read my brothers and sisters and may we all be blessed.
What is it about? Nabi Ibrahim :)
_____________________________________________________

[Asy-Syu'ara' 26:69-104]

Dan bacakanlah kepada mereka kisah Ibrahim.

Ketika Ibrahim berkata kepada ayahnya dan kaumnya, "Apakah yang kamu sembah?"

Mereka menjawab, "Kami menyembah berhala-berhala dan kami sentiasa tekun menyembahnya."

Dia (Ibrahim) berkata, "Apakah mereka mendengarmu ketika kamu berdoa (kepadanya)?
atau (dapatkah) mereka memberi manfaat atau mencelakakan kamu?

Mereka menjawab, "Tidak, tapi kami dapati nenek moyang kami berbuat begitu."

Dia (Ibrahim) berkata, "Apakah kamu memperhatikan apa yang kamu sembah,

kamu, dan nenek moyang kamu yang terdahulu?

Sesungguhnya mereka (apa yang kamu sembah) itu musuhku, lain halnya dengan Tuhan seluruh alam,

(iaitu) Yang telah menciptakan aku, maka Dia yang memberi petunjuk kepadaku,

dan Yang memberi makan dan minum kepadaku,

dan apabila aku sakit, Dialah yang menyembuhkan aku,

dan Yang akan mematikan aku, kemudian menghidupkan aku (kembali),

dan Yang sangat kuinginkan akan mengampuni kesalahanku pada hari Kiamat."

(Ibrahim berdoa) "Ya Tuhanku, berikanlah kepadaku ilmu dan masukkanlah aku ke dalam golongan orang-orang yang saleh,

dan jadikanlah aku buah tutur yang baik bagi orang-orang (yang datang) kemudian,

dan jadikanlah aku termasuk orang yang mewarisi syurga yang penuh kenikmatan,

dan ampunilah ayahku, sesungguhnya dia termasuk orang-orang yang sesat,

dan janganlah Engkau hinakan aku pada hari mereka dibangkitkan,

(iaitu) pada hari (ketika) harta dan anak-anak tidak berguna,

kecuali orang-orang yang menghadap Allah dengan hati yang bersih,

dan syurga didekatkan kepada orang-orang yang bertakwa,

dan neraka Jahim diperlihatkan dengan jelas kepada orang-orang yang sesat,"

dan dikatakan kepada mereka, "Di mana berhala-berhala yang dahulu kamu sembah,

selain Allah? Dapatkah mereka menolong kamu atau menolong diri mereka sendiri?"

Maka mereka (sesembahan itu) dijungkirkan ke dalam neraka bersama orang-orang yang sesat,

dan bala tentera iblis semuanya.

Mereka berkata sambil bertengkar di dalamnya (neraka),

"Demi Allah, sesungguhnya kita dahulu (di dunia) dalam kesesatan yang nyata,

kerana kita menyamakan kamu (berhala-berhala) dengan Tuhan seluruh alam.

Dan tidak ada yang menyesatkan kita kecuali orang-orang yang berdosa.

Maka (sekarang) kita tidak mempunyai seorang pun pemberi syafaat (penolong),

dan tidak pula mempunyai teman yang akrab.

Maka seandainya kami dapat kembali (ke dunia) niscaya kita menjadi orang-orang yang beriman."

Sungguh, pada yang demikian itu terdapat tanda (kekuasaan Allah), tetapi kebanyakan mereka tidak beriman.

Dan sungguh, Tuhanmu benar-benar Dialah Mahaperkasa, Maha Penyayang.
________________________________________________________

:) Sweet isn't it? When I read, especially the parts I highlighted, I could somehow feel how strongly our prophet Ibrahim believes, trusts and loves Allah. Perasaan yang hanya pada Allah lah tempat untuk bergantung. Allah lah segala-galanya. When you eat, have you ever felt for real that Allah is the one that gave you food instead of thinking it is something you bought with your money? And look at what Ibrahim asks for in his prayers. Do we ever ask for such things? And touchingly too is when he asked for forgiveness for his father. He didn't forget his father when he supplicates. Do you my brothers and sisters even remember your parents in your doa?

Let us all look back and reflect.

It feels wonderful being told a story by Allah. Kan3?? :D

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Change~

Salam Alayk~

Now we are literally in the middle of the blessed month of Ramadhan. I haven't been posting have I? Forgive me for those who visit and yet find nothing new. I'm in the midst of deep thought. If I write, I fear it would do more harm than good and so I pause.

Well that's then, I'm back again :)

How has your Ramadhan been? I feel as if time has past so very quickly. Ramadhan to me seems ever so short. Spent a week at home starting off Ramadhan with my family. Going to the mosque with Mama & Abah for isya' & tarawih is indeed memorable :) Suddenly I find my parents to be so cute :P hehe... Kakak is fasting well alhamdulillah. Despite how she is she doesn't miss even a day so all of you out there should be able to fast too.

The title this time is 'change'.

Has anything changed this Ramadhan or are you going through it just like every year? Regrettably, I feel my Ramadhan last year wasn't spent that well. It is such a shame you see and I vowed it would never be like that again. That's how we should look at it. Fill in whatever lacked and improve what is already good so that it becomes better.

This time, I'm fighting off a very great weakness in me. To change for the better in an area I do not wish to mention. It is difficult but I'm seizing this opportunity. InsyaAllah, Allah will facillitate this change in me. I'd like to share something I read from 'Life is an Open Secret' by Sis Zabrina. Here goes...

Scene 1:
I walk down a street, and there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. It takes forever to get out. It's not my fault.

Scene 2:
I walk down the same street. I fall in the hole again. It still takes a long time to get out. It's my fault.

Scene 3:
I walk down the same street. I fall in the hole again. It's becoming a habit. It is definitely my fault. I get out immediately.

Scene 4:
I walk down the same street and see the deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Scene 5:
I walk down a different street.

What do you think? An eye-opener isn't it? 5 scenes very simply written yet hold such deep meaning. "A fundamental guideline to change" says Sis Zabrina. Yes, it sure is.

Could you cry over this? I could.

Change can be difficult and the only one who would know that is yourself coz it's you going through it. Some things can be simpler for others but that doesn't matter. What matters is you know you're doing something about it and that Allah knows that. Just because it's hard, it's no excuse for you to not do anything about it. Trust in Allah and so you will not give up changing no matter how slow it appears. No matter how many times you fall into that same hole. That same wretched hole...you won't give up. You will NOT GIVE UP. Because you know, you must change.

Because I know I must change.

And why must I do this?
Because the change is for Allah..... Tell yourself, "For the sake of Allah, walk on another street."

I have something in me that I have always wanted to change. I'm sure you do too. Be brave. Be bold. Allah made a promise...

"...Turn towards Allah, O believers, every one of you, so that you may be successfull."
[An-Nur 24:31]

Change and turn your path towards Him and you'll be successful. This is Allah making a promise and He NEVER BREAKS HIS WORD.

Friday, August 28, 2009

~Agama bukan sekadar fikiran atau perasaan maupun perbuatan, tetapi adalah pengungkapan hidup sebagai keseluruhan~

Thursday, August 27, 2009

See you again!


Last night you left and I wasn't there to send you off :( Sorry dear. Really wished I could. That just means another year till we meet again ey? Aww...that's sad! :'(


Spending those brief moments with you were great! Running around in Mid Valley (nk solat :P), spending the night at your house, picking you up with masks on, just being in the car, going on komuter trips, going back to school, you losing your phone (okay i know you don't wanna remember that one :P), eating nasi lembik (sdap! :D), tido atas sofa kuning, tido kat lantai, tgk Harry Potter, tgk Drag Me to Hell...owh semua tu laa.... ngee~ ^_^


Gonna miss you BUDAK!!!!


Wait a minute, who are you??




You're the chosen one! cewah...I can't believe I said that. Adzwin jgn gelak :P


You are MISS ADZREEN DIMYATI~

such an inspiring pose ey? tgk ape tu adzreen? :P


Have a wonderful Ramadhan where you are okay? :) May your cooking skills increase awesomely too! huhu... Pray for me cay? Getting anxious by the minute here. Miss you!!!

P/s: Adzwin...you're leaving soon too...waaaaaa!!! :'(

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

If today was your last day...

Old song, I know...but hey, I found meaning in it. Currently something very fitting. If you haven't listened to it go ahead. Even if you have, it doesn't hurt to listen again rite? :) I say songs are like poetry. Different meaning to different people and it get's different everytime you listen to it too. Timing is everything isn't it? Be patient enough to wait for the right time for things and you'll see that it's worth it.

Face it. Some people need more time than others. Don't push too hard. I might break. :)

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day’s a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day

Against the grain should be a way of life
What’s worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts ‘cause there’s no second try
So live like you’ll never live it twice
Don’t take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you’re dreamin’ of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it’s never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin’ stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you’re dreamin’ of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day


Doesn't make sense to you? It's okay. It does to me :) I'm tired of explaining myself. Just remember that it's not what it seems. 'Husnu Zhon' is difficult. I know. Especially if it's towards me. haha...nevermind. You know what I always tell Arine(my bestfriend...d'oh :P)? 'If it hurts bad, what matters is the people that matter to you understand. If they don't, what do you do? Count on me to understand.'

To you (a specific person who might not read...haha) I'm not a typical girl, female, person, human, homo sapien owh whatever you call it :P and you mean more to me than you could possibly imagine. Could you live with that?

If you can't, I'm broken~

P/s:-Big brother, I know you've posted this song. My turn cay? :D ngee~

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

There's a thin line between love and hate...

…and I think that line is getting thinner until I’m unsure how to differentiate between the two.


Let’s see the response of different people towards what I think as stated above. Read it according to the tones they’d use. Can you do that? (exclusively for my INTEC friends) hehe :P


What I’d say: Aww man!


Syadiee: This is not good.


Hisham: Why not?


Rafi: But then…


Huda: Maybe.


Liyana: Not really.


Syida: Apa dia?


Mirul: Pastu?


Syed: No..no..no…


Che’ Ain: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!


Eka: SENGAL…


Zaharah: AAAAA! (terkejut dengan statement tu :P)


An: Ikot ah…


Adiq: So what?


=_= huhu…just for laughs. I wonder if anyone can correctly read all the above. I know I can. hehe :P


But hey, the statement above isn’t for fun. It really is something on my mind right now. Any views on the matter? Feel free to comment.


p/s: to my dear friends, no offence ey mates? ngee ^_^

Monday, July 27, 2009

Hungry?

“…And it is better for you that you fast, if you only knew.”

[Al-Baqarah 2:184]


Salam Alayk my brothers and sisters :) Apa khabar iman? I haven’t asked that for a long time. Shame on me. Ish…ish…ish…


I’m home now. Got back yesterday for the sudden 1 week holiday. To my dear cousins Zareen & Mira don’t be jealous. My next holiday will only be when it’s time to celebrate Eid Mubarak. I won’t be breaking fast in Ramadhan at home at all you see due to this holiday so there’s really nothing to be jealous about :)


Yesterday was very temperamental. I had some issues to sort out and at first it really hurt me but I’ve learnt to be strong and I tell you the 2 days of fasting before that really did help in giving my heart strength. I can’t explain it but really, it gave me strength.


I can be really pathetic at times. I apologize for that to those who have to be around me. Sorry.


Now is the month of Syaaban. Have you been taking the opportunities given by Allah to you on this blessed month? Sure there are many things that can be done but what I’m referring to now is fasting. Have you been fasting? I’ve already missed 3 days :( a bit of a waste there but its okay coz what’s done is done. Time to look ahead and hopefully I’d be able to fast more :)


Like the verse above taken from the Quran, it’s better for us that we fast if only we knew. Isn’t that a regrettable tone? “..if only you knew.” Meaning to say here is that we are ever so ignorant to how special fasting can be.


Fasting isn’t only in Ramadhan. We know that don’t we? Then why is it so weird to see a person fast outside of it? Because it’s out of the norm to most people and there’s no one to blame but yourself for this. Seems like something small doesn’t it? I mean fasting, what’s the big deal? But then again, it’s small things that give big impacts, sadly their always forgotten.


I’m only saying what I think and so it might not be right but you dear reader, think about it anyway. No harm done :)


There’s a verse in the Quran but I can’t remember which :( I’ll get back to that cay but what it says is that, in doing something for Allah even if it seems very hard for you to do (meaning you really don’t feel like doing it up to the point that it seems like you’re not sincere or because it’s difficult) just do it anyway because that’s what’s better for you.


That verse get’s me going and so I’ll find it and post it next week cay? (tafsir tinggal kat cemara. *pinches self*)

Oh well, think about it. Don’t you wanna fast this month? :)