Salam alayk :)
I know it's been a while since I wrote. You see, getting online hasn't exactly been easy. Don't know why. Some technical problems with the wireless I guess but no matter, I'm online now and I shall write.
Have you ever been through the same thing over and over and still not know how to go around it? I'm sure you have and in many conditions too like me. Well I'd like to point out one of them today. It's a helpless feeling really. It's like a mathematical question that you've been doing over and over but you just can't get the right answer even after trying a whole lot of ways. It's come to the point where you can't think of ways anymore and because of that you just stare at that question....thinking...and feeling disappointed in yourself for not being able to think of the right solution coz surely there is a solution for it.
Well that's just an example of course. As for the real situation I'd say it's best not to say but one thing I can say is, it involves others. Meaning this isn't exactly about me alone having problems with myself but rather seing a person I care about carry on with doing wrong. And so I can't write specifically what's wrong. (Kita perlu menjaga aib orang. InsyaAllah pada hari kita dibangkitkan nanti, Allah akan menutupi aib kita)
I always say that I hate to be judgemental when it comes to people. I don't feel it's right and moreover I feel that we do not have the right to judge people recklessly. Indeed there are people who can more or less see a person for who they really are but I feel that I have not come to that stage where I can do so fairly. After all, I'm merely a person of limited knowledge and to pretend to be knowledgable is NOT me.
I say things based on what I believe and I'm sure everyone does the same thing. How could you say something that contradicts yourself right? Because of that I pray that Allah gives me the right thoughts, the right way of thinking so that I do not have the wrong shift in paradigm. For that I need my teachers and friends as well. You see why we must choose our friends wisely? For us to care for and to be cared as no one person can face everything alone. There needs to be a check and balance somewhere and I pray my heart softens to accept criticism for it's needed as I can't always be right. I know that.
I need to be strong. Stronger than before. This heart of mine, I know it'll make it through. Yes, I am a mere servant of Allah but all of you reading, hear me when I say.... to honestly, truly be His servant is my desire. To have Him call upon me saying 'hambaKu'...how I'd cry to that.
Untuk dipanggil 'hamba-hamba Allah' adalah panggilan yang dibanggakan dan untuk itu aku harus kuat. Hatiku harus kuat supaya aku layak dipanggil hamba Allah. Sungguh, memang benar jalan dakwah itu bukan jalan yang mudah. Jalan kepada Allah...menuju kepadaNya bukan mudah... tapi jalan itulah... yang aku pilih. InsyaAllah, sekarang aku semakin faham. Faham apa ertinya untuk menjadi hamba. Faham yang aku perlu usaha lagi kerana perjalanan masih panjang dan aku tidak boleh terus menerus memberi alasan. Faham maksudnya apabila dikatakan kepadaku yang aku harus meneruskan hidup dalam perhambaan kepada Allah.
Segalanya terletak di tanganNya dan aku harus sedar yang perasaan sedih kerana aku tidak berdaya ini, diberikan oleh Allah kepadaku supaya aku tidak lupa diri dan terus bergantung dan berharap kepadaNya. Saudara-saudaraku, sedarlah...aku akan membantu semampuku. Tidak sanggup aku melihat saudara-saudaraku bergelumang dalam dosa. Kerana kasihku kepadamu, aku tidak sanggup. I know that things like this is easier said than done. It is...which is why I feel so helpless but insyaAllah I'll find a way someday. I do not deny the fact that I too need help but knowing that should not stop me from helping others.
I'm finding my way too...won't you find yours?
My dear sisters and brothers, to be alibis of maksiat...don't make me do such things anymore. Don't do things you need alibis for. Yes, that's easier said than done. I know...but even so, we can't stop trying. Right?
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