"Jujurlah terhadap diri sendiri ketika bermuhasabah. Perbetulkan satu persatu kesalahan kita. Jangan nafikan realiti. Setelah disedari kelemahan dan kesilapan kita, maka akui hakikat itu. Ingat, kita perlu maafkan diri kita kerana kita juga perlu mangasihi diri kita sendiri."
I found this while reading one day. It made me think. Have I been honest with myself? If I have, was I too harsh? I still have a long way to go and there is still so much to think about.
Years ago, my best friend and I wrote a letter to ourselves. A letter of forgiveness. Truthfully, I didn’t quite feel it then. How it’s like to forgive yourself. What it means to do so. I think now, I’m beginning to see. Us humans, we can never run from making mistakes. Yes that much is true but we don’t say it as an excuse for us to do wrong but rather so that our hearts don’t get too upset if we do wrong coz that just shows that we’re human and there’s nothing wrong with being just that..right?
A friend told me once, that Allah created us with weaknesses. Not to say that He is weak for that is not His trait. We are created perfectly by Him. What’s weak here is us and that weakness is there so that we ask from Him. So that we depend on Him and Him alone. So that we realise that we have nothing aside from what He wills to give us. How poor we are to all that He has given. That is something we must remember. May He bless that friend of mine.
You know, I’ve been wanting to write for quite some time now but it seems so difficult. It feels like a precious gift has been taken away from me in which I have no control over. It’s sad when I feel as if my words don’t reach you, as though my words you can’t comprehend. Subhanallah...That just shows His Greatness over all don’t you think? That just shows how weak we are without Him. I can’t even control something as simple as writing.
I don’t know about you, but as for me I’m very fond of crying. Crying on my own for Allah. I guess I’ve mentioned that before. Even that simple act of crying is beyond my control and at times when my tears just won’t fall I get so upset and frustrated with myself. I know I shouldn’t be, but you know how emotions can sometimes get to me. Maybe I have been too harsh on myself. Do I think too much? I guess I do sometimes. In moments like this, I’d think of what our beloved Prophet has once said to Abu Bakar in the darkness of the cave they were hiding in. He said, “La takhof wa la tahzan, innallaha maana”. It means, don’t be afraid and don’t be sad for Allah is with us.
I should try to believe in myself more...shouldn’t I?